Baby

Summer 24

Featuredby motheringmillieLeave a Comment on Summer 24
Summer 24

We kicked off this summer with an, ‘A Kid Again’ adventure to the Columbus Zoo and Zoombeezi Bay. We all wore our matching, A Kid Again shirts; I had to cut the long sleeves off of Crosby’s – he won’t fit it during the winter months anyway. Millie and Wells wanted to ride the rides first, which was included with our event tickets. Due to their height, they couldn’t ride all of the rides but they were able to ride on the Macaw Spinner and the Swinging Gibbon (swings). We were given a meal time so between 4-5pm we went to the pavilions for dinner; veggie burgers, chips, cookies, drinks, and uncrustables for the kids – all included.

We were able to ride on the train through North America, something we have never done before at the Zoo. One little boy screamed the entire ride and due to the construction in that area, the train ride was not very scenic; we saw a lot of wooden fence. I was grateful we didn’t have to pay for that experience. We continued to Africa where we all fed a giraffe; another included activity. Millie and Wells were pros, they knew exactly what to do. Chris held Crosby while he fed Ootoo but Crosby backed his body into Chris’, he didn’t seem to like feeding the giraffe.

We headed over to Zoombeezi Bay as the sun was going down. This was the best time for the boys to experience the water park, when the sun wasn’t so harsh. After getting everyone changed into their suits (it was an experience trying to get the two bigs to change without touching the wet, bathroom floor) we had to wait for the day time life guards and night event life guards to change places. They informed us that they were not opening the toddler area for the evening (which was insane to me considering the amount of kids with needs that could have utilized a developmentally appropriate swimming area). We enjoyed our time in the wave pool even though the water was frigid!

Wells was shivering and Mills lips were purple so we knew it was time to dry off and go. As we were leaving, A Kid Again volunteers were passing out fiber optic, light-up wands to each kid. There were three colors to choose from; orange, green, and blue, so each of my kids got a different color. They enjoyed swinging them around – even Crosby! Chris didn’t particularly care for the wands when he mistaked them for police lights in his rear view mirror.

The next day, Millie and I went to her Senior Prayer Buddy’s graduation party. She has absolutely loved spending time with Kennedy this year. She brought her a card, got to take pictures with her, highlight a scripture in her Bible (she chose one from the book of Psalms), and eat a cookie decorated like a graduation cap. Millie got to see her kindergarten teacher at the party and Mill spoke with Kennedy’s mom about doing Bible Quizzing in the fall. The party was being held at the park across the street from my Dad’s house, so after we said our goodbyes, we popped over to Papa’s house to see him. My Dad lives next door to a student of mine and when the student saw me she said, “Hi, Mrs. Doyle!” Millie said, “Why are you calling my mommy, Mrs. Doyle?!”

To end the first weekend of summer vacation, we went to the Troy Strawberry Festival. We have never been there before but it reminded us of the Circleville Pumpkin Show – but strawberries. Millie wore a strawberry dress and purse for the occasion. She was astounded that the fountain in the middle of town had been dyed pink! She wore her sash and crown to make an appearance out of the event; she passed out strawberry candies and stickers to other little girls. There was a gag-band playing through the streets of the festival and when they saw Mill, they played a royal tune; she was flattered and took a picture with them. We ate delicious strawberry kettle corn and drank strawberry lemonade.

Throughout the week, we crafted necklaces with shrinky-dinks, celebrated Maw Maw Bev’s 77th birthday, played in the water table, completed math and reading pages, and went swimming in Maws pool – twice! The bigs swim independently (with their puddle jumpers) and I am able to hold Crosby in the water. We tried him in a float that reclined back but when he would sit up, the float flipped him straight into the water, head first. Maw took the float back the next day and told costumer service that it’s an unsafe floating device and that they should pull it from their shelves. While we were swimming, Wells told a tanned, mixed girl, “Your skin is boo-ti-ful!” He is such a special kid.

Saturday, Millie and I spent the morning at an ARB Pageant Workshop to help prepare for Nationals! Before the event started, some pageant queens were passing out their title cards with QR codes to take you to their website. Mill loved getting cards from everyone and she was upset that we didn’t have any to give out. They were given notebooks to keep notes in and Millie loved writing and drawing in it. Millie would play hand clapping games with her friend, Goldie while they would wait for their turn to work with the specialists. She was given runway advice and suggestions to make her introduction stronger.

After her workshop, we were super hungry so we had a mother-daughter lunch at her favorite restaurant; Olive Garden. Instead of playing games on the table-top tablet, she found the books app instead and we read while we ate. She had buttered noodles, broccoli, salad, and a few breadsticks. A waitress heard us reading and said, “I’ve never known there to be books on that thing! What a better option!” Millie will always opt to read.

The whole fam and my in-laws went to the Columbus Arts Festival. We got lemonade, stickers, sorbet, and free Nutcracker tickets! This is our second year “spinning the wheel” at the BalletMet booth and winning tickets; Millie was the lucky spinner last year and Chris spun the tickets this year – even though we were pretty sure Wells’ first spin was going to land on the tickets but Chris stopped the wheel and they made him re-spin because “the wheel hadn’t spun all the way around”. You could hear our exasperation. Thankfully, Chris redeemed himself when he spun and won the tickets on his turn.

Wells found an artist that he really liked who painted pictures of fish in unique places. The bigs enjoyed coloring at the zoos booth (Mill colored a purple and yellow Tasmanian devil). Mill tried tap dancing on a piece of wood and tap shoes. Crosby was fascinated by the helicopter flying above us. After the festival, Mill went to stay the night with her grandparents because they were going to take her on her June adventure; hiking. (They walked two trails in Hocking Hills and had a picnic lunch.)

Wells was disappointed he wasn’t going hiking with Mill so while we waited for our dinner to be ready for pick-up (we ordered Indian to-go) we let Wells play on a fun playground with swings and four slides across the street from the restaurant. It was so sweet, he ran up to the swing set and yelled, “Hi everybody! My name is Wells!” It reminded me of the first time he introduced himself to a stranger at the Newport Aquarium. Wells has worked so hard for his words and I am so incredibly proud of him.

The next week, our evenings were occupied with Vacation Bible School. This year’s theme was, “Team Jesus” because of the summer Olympics starting soon. Wells was able to attend VBS this year and he was super excited (although he was a little disappointed that the pre-k shirts were yellow and not blue). Millie was placed in a group with some of her friends from school. I didn’t feel like the message was as engaging as last years. Last year, Mill would come home everyday wanting to talk about Jesus and what she learned but neither kid did this week. On the family day, neither kid was singing along to the praise song; hopefully next year they’ll feel more connected. We all had a good time at the celebration to end the week. The bigs went down an inflatable water slide, jumped in a bouncy house, raced each other in a blow-up obstacle course, and ate shaved ice.

Millie was so excited to play tennis this summer. Even though the flyer said 2nd grade and up, the coach let Mill sign up because of how eager she was to learn. Every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday from 10am-12pm we walked over to the tennis courts for Mill to practice her serves across the net. The coach was so kind and patient with her. It was exciting watching her improve. On the last day, the coach let each kid fill a bag full of tennis balls to take home to practice with. Mill was able to cheer the kids out on the last day, “One, two, three, go Dawgs!”

Then my friend Rebecca passed away. Then my MawMaw Bev passed away. I was in survival mode and the kids played a lot on their own.

One of my best friends, Sarah, came and took the bigs to see Inside Out 2. She said that the kids were the best behaved kids in the theater. She also said that she took Wells to the bathroom and she was relieved when he said he didn’t have to poop (he still can’t wipe on his own quite yet). She brought back Chipotle for dinner and it was the nicest thing in the entire world because she’s the nicest person in the entire world.

We needed something happy so we celebrated Shark Week. I bought special balloons and shark hand puppets. Each night, we watched new Shark shows on t.v. We went to Outback Steakhouse because they had a special drink called the Sharky Temple. The kids had sprite with a Shark full of red grenadine. When they dunked the shark in the pop, the drink turned red like a shark attack.

For my dad’s 56th birthday, we planned a trip to see the Chicago Cubs play in Wrigley field. Dru and Katey graciously took the bigs putt-putting the Thursday before we left so I could get everyone packed. To split up the drive, we stayed one night in Indianapolis, Indiana before heading to Illinois. We woke up early on Friday, packed the car, and made it to the Indianapolis Zoo before 1pm; we rocked out to SpongeBob the Musical and Crosby slept the entire ride.

The Indianapolis Zoo is privately owned however, they still gave a discount on our entry for being Columbus Zoo members. After our tickets were scanned, the entrance to the zoo was through a beautiful garden which set the tone for the entire zoo experience. There were fountains with animal sculptures and actual parrots in the trees. We are used to a cluster of people, bubble wands, and annoying photographers trying to snap a picture; this was completely different. There was a greenhouse with exotic plants and what seemed like a million butterflies. It was better than the Franklin Park Conservatory’s butterfly exhibit and this was included with the admission to the zoo. The only issue was Crosby was having a rough time with his light sensitivity so we made sure that he was wearing his hat and sunglasses and tried our best to stay indoors.

We went into the ocean exhibit and there was an electric eel swimming out of the coral. It was squiggly and creepy looking. Wells was so excited to see the “touch pool” that had epaulette sharks, sting rays, and two dogfish sharks. This was actually the nations largest shark, touch pool. The water was deep and the wall was tall so Wells had a tough time reaching far into the water. It took some patience but eventually he was able to touch both sharks and many sting rays! With Chris’ support, even Millie touched a shark. Wells was so happy and proud of himself for being brave.

In the oceans exhibit, there was a section with different penguins. When Crosby saw them he said, “duck”. He was so proud of himself. There was a seal enclosure where the seals were diving in the water and swimming around. Chris asked the kids, “Do you know what’s making all those bubbles? The seals are tooting.” To which Wells replied, “That’s my favorite part.” Chris said, “What is?” Wells said, “The tooting.”

We were super impressed with the plant based options at the grill; Wells and I got veggie dogs, Mill got a pb&j, and Chris got vegan chorizo tacos. They even had chikn tenders and black bean burgers (It’s not often we get food choices). Crosby was struggling with his photophobia; the sun was super bright even with his sunglasses, hat, and stroller visor to help protect his eyes. While the rest of the family ate at an outdoor picnic table, I took Crosby into the gift shop where he was much more comfortable. While we were in there, I picked out a shark sticker for Wells’ suitcase and a Christmas ornament that said Indianapolis Zoo.

After lunch, we watched the Gibbon monkeys and that was a real treat. The mother monkey was pooping and the baby was grabbing the poop as it came out of its mother’s butt. It was disgusting but of course the kids thought it was hilarious. The baby monkey threw the poop on the ground – praise because I thought it was going to eat it and I would have barfed on everybody. We were pretty upset with the zoos newly added Chimpanzee “complex”. We saw it advertised on their website and social media. It was supposed to be this cool, interactive way to experience the chimpanzees however, it was more like hanging, metal dog crates. The chimps were no where to be found until we saw one at the bottom of a stairwell banging his head over and over again into the steps. It was hard to see.

We saw two, brown bears active in their enclosure. They were massive. One was taking a dip in the water and the other was walking around and even on its hind legs at one point. Crosby called them, “og” like dog – it was cute. The rhinos were sunken into a mud bath and when they raised up the suction sound was thick. The rhino walked to a large rock to scratch his underside and then let out a huge toot that made his tail fly! It was so gross!

There were wildebeests, ostriches, and kudus all in the same habitat. There was a large, ostrich egg just lying in the middle of the kudus. It was making me so anxious – all the hooves around the egg and the kudus kept sniffing at it. The ostrich looked down right haggard and was hissing at the kudus. It was national geographic at its finest.

Our favorite part of the Indianapolis Zoo was the dolphin show. I felt like we were at the Georgia Aquarium again. They had a huge indoor space with the water as the stage. We sat in stadium seats and were in awe of what these eight dolphins could do; jump, splash, turn – all on command. They showed a video about dolphin conservation and the dolphins that were critically endangered or extinct. Wells started to cry. He was so emotional about the dolphins. He loves ocean animals so much, bless his heart.

After our time at the zoo, we checked into our hotel for the night. It had two, queen size beds so Chris and I divided up; the boys slept with me and Chris had Mill. It was a quick stay. We packed up the next morning and spent the day at the Indianapolis Children’s Museum. We were blown away by the size of the complex. There was a parking deck attached with a four story tall Anubis, an outside sports area sponsored by the Pacers, and a “life -sized” brontosaurus climbing through the window. Wells was amazed by the transformer, Bumblebee in the lobby.

The dinosaur exhibit was spread out on all four floors of the museum. Like the Children’s Museum in Dallas, Chris and I were impressed with how many bones were actual fossils versus casts. The fossilized skull of the duck-billed dinosaur was really off putting to say the least. Millie “smelled” what the dino would smell like to a T-Rex and she said it was disgusting (how would we know what they smelled like?). The bigs colored pictures of dinosaurs and scanned them onto a projected screen, much like what we did with the fish pictures at the Newport Aquarium. It was neat, each new dinosaur that was scanned would hatch out of an egg and walk across the wall. Wells was coloring in the lines!

My favorite part of the museum started on the bottom floor and was over 40 feet tall; a masterpiece of blown glass by Chihuly. The kids could make their own sculpture with plastic pieces made to look like blown glass. The ceiling was covered in different glass pieces with a slow spinning ottoman in the middle of the room that you would sit on and it gave a kaleidoscope effect. There are many Chihuly pieces at the Franklin Park Conservatory and I always remember how my much grandma loves them. I FaceTimed with her throughout this part of the museum so she could see the amazing art, too.

There was a Greece exhibit where it actually looked like you were in a villa in Sorento. Mill and I learned a traditional Grecian dance by an instructor and Wells rescued turtle “plastic” off the coast. We also enjoyed the Ninja Turtle exhibit (this is only there a limited time) and the kids got to shoot foam pizzas into windows. Another awesome art piece was many miniature doll houses; I wish I could’ve lived inside them, they were so beautiful. If you pressed a button, holograms of period people would walk around the houses. It was so cool.

On the top floor of the museum was a restored carousel. It broke down and was stored in someone’s barn for decades. There were all different animals; tigers, horses, giraffes and they were so intricately painted. We all rode on the carousel as a family. Millie wanted to ride a giraffe but they didn’t move up and down so she sat behind the giraffes on a horse. Wells didn’t want to go up and down so he sat on a giraffe. Crosby was not a fan so he stayed in my arms. As we were riding, I looked up and the top of the carousel was painted like the night sky – it was really beautiful.

There was so much more to do and explore in the Indianapolis Children’s Museum however, we were on a time crunch to get to Chicago before 5PM. On our way out, we got the kids a soft pretzel and to my surprise I hear, “Mrs. Doyle!” Two of my students were also at the museum and saw me there. I gave them hugs and told them to enjoy the rest of their vacation. It was neat seeing students in a different state experiencing cool, new things. As we walked back to the Jeep, we promised the kids that we would be back again.

The kids all napped during our drive to Chicago; I’m sure they were wiped from the museum. The bigs were awake when we entered the city so they could see the skyline. I saw a sign for Louis Vuitton and Wells repeated me in the sweetest French accent you’ve ever heard. Our first stop was to the American Girl store. Millie brought her doll, Isabelle, and woah was she excited (Mill, not the doll – the doll had seen better days. Her hair was a mess.) Millie was like a spinning top in the store; looking at everything and wanting everything. She cracked up seeing a doll scene of a bathroom. She especially liked seeing her dolls set ups; Kit and Isabelle. Chris and I both prefaced this shopping trip that we were going to spend $150 and that was all. A lot went into the shopping bag but when it was time to checkout, she was very good at deciding what she wanted and what she didn’t. She ended up getting matching shirts for her and her doll, a pajama outfit and slippers, a doll carrying bag, and Isabelle a new hair style.

Isabelle was looking raggedy. I didn’t know that prior to our trip, Mill had taken out Isabelle’s hair. Thankfully, the doll salon was open with not much of a wait, so we let Millie pick out a new hair style for Isabelle. Chris and the boys wondered off. I watched Millie as she lit up in amazement. She talked to the stylist and picked out ribbon colors. She chose two French braids with red and blue ribbons for the Cubs game we would attend the next day. She listened to the stylists instructions about how to keep her dolls hair nice and Millie hung on to every word.

We left the American Girl store and the kids rode on an escalator for the first time. I was pleasantly surprised by how well they did stepping off. We went to the Lego store for Wells and he and Chris chose different sets to put together. Crosby was having so much fun. He kept running behind the counter and the cashier said, “I should go grab him an application!” Millie saw a woman with my similar hair and build leave the store hand in hand with another man that was not her dad and she was very confused. She yelled, “Daddy! Mommy’s leaving!” But I was not leaving – I was chasing Crosby around.

After shopping, we made our way up to the highest floor of the mall to eat at Harry Carey’s. Both Mill and Wells did really well navigating the many escalators. Harry Carey’s TVs were playing the Cubs game but I didn’t get to watch much of it because I spent most of the time in the restroom instead of at our table! First, I had to go to the bathroom and as I was walking back, Wells was running towards me saying he had to go. Then, Mill had to go! Millie’s American Girl got to sit in a special high chair. We were so impressed with Wells, it was the first time he colored a picture inside the lines!

After eating dinner, we walked around the city for a bit before heading back to our car and going to our hotel for the night. The drive to our hotel was eventful. We drove past a road named, “Wells Street”. While we were on the highway, we saw a motorcycle up in flames and someone giving CPR on the side of the road – we found out later that the motorcyclist had died. When we got to the hotel, we met up with my dad and stepmom. They had already spent one night in Chicago celebrating my dad‘s 56th birthday. It was late, so we discussed plans for the ballpark the next morning, Millie dressed Isabelle in her new jammies and slippers, and went to sleep.

The next morning, we walked down to the hotel lobby for the complementary breakfast. I had Crosby on my hip when I walked over to grab a bowl of cereal, and I heard a man say to his wife or partner or female friend, “That’s one ugly ass kid.” If my kids weren’t present, I would’ve had some choice words with this man however, I chose to grab breakfast and go about my way. Who says something like that about a child? It honestly had me mentally messed up all morning. After breakfast, we all dressed in Chicago Cubs gear and loaded the Jeep headed to Wrigley Field – the kids and my Dad’s first time!

When we arrived in Wrigleyville, I gave my Dad a big, blue, birthday hat that he wore for a picture or two and left in a tree by our parking garage. I wore Crosby in the baby carrier and Chris carried Wells on his shoulders. As we walked closer to the stadium, I watched my Dad’s face as he saw places he had recognized from WGN broadcasts. The smile on his face when he saw the Wrigley Field sign was priceless. He took pictures under the sign and next to the new, Ryne Sandberg statue. We went into a Cubs team store and bought my Dad a red, baseball hat to match his outfit, for his birthday.

Millie got so many compliments on Isabelle. Many workers reminisced about their little ones and their dolls. We got the kids and my Dad, “first time” certificates and pictures. We got food and found our seats (apparently my Dad almost choked to death getting his hot dog). Our seats were underneath a seat deck which made the sunny day so much better on my Dad and the boys’ eyes to be sitting in the shade. A 92 year old, lifelong cubs fan threw the first pitch and the National Anthem was performed by a father-son, saxophone and guitar duet. We were ready for some baseball!

Crosby sat up in a seat by himself and drank water from his Clark the Cub sippy cup. Wells ate French fries and fell asleep on Chris’ arm while watching baseball. Millie was actually invested in the game and asking intelligent baseball questions. My heart was so entirely full. During the ninth inning, my Dad, the kids, and I walked behind the ivy to prepare to “run the bases”. One Sunday a month, kids at the ballpark can run the bases on Wrigley Field. Each kid could have one adult with them so my Dad and I also got the opportunity to be on the field. Finishing the game through the Ivy was surreal. Cubs won in extra innings and we got to sing, “Go Cubs, Go!” with my Dad on his birthday.

Walking out onto Wrigley Field felt like a dream. Wells and Mill ran out in front of us as my Dad and I tried to take everything in. Cubs players were conversing with their families out in the outfield. The grass was so incredibly green. I gave Mill my phone to video record while she and Wells ran the bases. They started the kids at first base told them to, “go!” So Mill took off towards home plate and she had the whole lot of kids going the wrong way. Her and Wells ran to home plate, to third base, out to left field, to second base, then they were finally turned around by a field volunteer, hit third base, and ran to home plate again. They definitely got my money worth, running around the bases!

Walking back to the car was tough because the kids were so tired. Millie was embarrassed that she ran the wrong way around the bases. My Dad’s foot was killing him from all the walking he’d done in Chicago. We made bets on if the blue, birthday hat would still be hanging in the tree by the parking garage. Wells was the only one to say, “I think so.” We all freaked out when we saw the hat, in all its glory, still hanging in the tree.

On the ride back to the hotel, we chose a restaurant while Crosby entertained us with his best rendition of, “Go Cubs, go!” We ate at a delish, hole in the wall, Mediterranean place called Backyard Grill, celebrating its 20th year in business and reminisced on the amazing weekend we had. We went back to the hotel and presented my Dad with a chocolate brownie cake that we made for him with the candles 5 and 6 for his birthday. The kids were begging us to take a dip in the hotel pool so before bed, we swam for an hour. Chris and I were amazed because Millie was jumping in and swimming underwater for the first time!

The next morning, we said goodbye to my Dad and step-mom as they left for home. We checked out of the hotel and drove back into the city of Chicago to take the kids to the Chicago Aquarium. The Aquarium is right on Lake Michigan; it’s beautiful! The kids and I enjoyed sitting by the water before and after our excursion – Chris wasn’t about the detour. Wells loves everything about the ocean and we found out that the Chicago Aquarium has white-sided dolphins, a species that we had never seen before. I was so impressed with the architecture of the building; the ceiling tiles had carved ocean creatures and the crown molding looked like waves. The kids loved playing on the indoor playground at the penguin exhibit. I was so impressed with Millie as she read so many of the informational texts next to the tanks. Before we left, I threw some seagulls some pretzels. The kids loved watching the birds swarm. Chris wasn’t so enthused.

The next weekend, we made our way to Cincinnati for Millie’s beauty pageant nationals. (More on this in its own blog post!) My friend Sarah stayed the week with us – the kids love it when she’s around. She reads books to them, does crafts with them, and brings them gifts. We spent some time at Mawmaw’s pool and with Lindsey at her brother’s pool; Millie and eventually Wells too, were jumping off the diving board!

I remember back to last summer thinking how Crosby would be walking by now and how different everything would be – but it wasn’t different. It felt just right. Every day is a gift. Every. Single. Day. If losing my sister (and my step-dad, and my cousin, and my grandma, and my friend) has taught me anything, it’s that we aren’t guaranteed anything. Writing these posts help me to not forget the gift I was given; time.

Baby

IFAP cont.

Featuredby motheringmillieLeave a Comment on IFAP cont.
IFAP cont.

We found out about my compromised X chromosome when I was already pregnant with our third. We chose not to find out the gender and I prayed it was a girl; a girl who wasn’t a carrier. 9 months later, it’s a boy, Crosby, and he has IFAP.

Two weeks after Crosby was born, Wells had to go under anesthesia to remove his eye tubes (good for nothing) and for the corneal specialist to take a closer look at his eyes. After the procedure, the doctors informed us that there was no corneal scarring and no signs of early glaucoma – huge relief. There was eyelid inflammation and of course, the blockage of oil ducts. His dry eye is chronic; the flourometholone and erythromycin are helping with that. Overall, the ophthalmologist and corneal specialist agree that the treatment plan he’s currently on is definitely the best thing moving forward.

The summer time is the absolute worst for his dry, cracked feet. Flip-flops, chlorine, no socks – it was creating many deep cracks that sometimes bled. The Urea cream that we were prescribed (that we found cheaper on Amazon) wasn’t absorbing into his heels. Thankfully, my in-laws’ neighbor is a doctor and he was headed up to do some research at the Mayo Clinic. He offered to pull some information about IFAP for us which turned out to be incredibly helpful. He brought back a stack of papers – all related to, or resources for IFAP syndrome. I read through case studies that I hadn’t seen before. It was surreal reading about other boys with the exact condition as Wells. Three different children were treated with a medicine, Acitretin (10mg per day) and saw improvement in skin features. I reached out to the dermatologist right away.

The dermatologist said that Acitretin could smooth the rough texture of his skin and help with the cracking on the feet. She did not expect hair growth from the medication (all of the case studies from the Mayo Clinic said nothing helped the Alopecia). She explained that Acitretin is not a medication without side effects (skin drying out, possible growth abnormalities, high liver enzymes). There would be regular monitoring of blood work and x rays to safely have him on the medication.

We learned that Acitretin is usually used in treating psoriasis. Women cannot take this medication because it can cause reproductive issues. We read about people who have used and currently use this medication and weighed out the pros and cons. Wells can stop taking this medicine cold-turkey if we notice any negative side effects, it’s non addictive – it’s a vitamin A derivative, and you can start at a very low dosage and still see results. Some scary cons were lack of growth (already an issue if you have IFAP), chapped (to the point of cracking) lips, it’s only offered in capsulated form, and possible abnormal blood results. After careful consideration, we decided to try Wells on the Acitretin.

Wells’ preliminary blood results came back with elevated triglycerides. The dermatologist called me and asked if we fasted before the blood draw. I was like, “Nope. He ate TimBits.” My bad. Even still, we were given the green light to start the medicine. The Acitretin only came in capsule form so we were encouraged to give it to him by opening the pill and pouring the medicine onto something with high fat intake. We decided on whipped cream. Wells began taking the Acitretin and within two days, his skin felt smoother than it had ever been. He did get a gnarly sore on the corner of his mouth because his lips were so incredibly dry from taking this medication. It hurt him to open his mouth too wide especially when he was eating. We informed the dermatologist and she recommended we try taking the medicine every other day. I noticed that the daily vitamin that we were giving him also vitamin A, 100% of his daily value. We started giving Wells the Acitretin once every three days and the balance was perfect.

Crosby has the sandpaper textured arms and legs. His cheeks aren’t as bad as Wells’ were but they’re rough, too. He has two large, bald patches on the top of his head. His eyes water when we take him outside. His nose constantly runs. Until Crosby’s feet crack to the point of discomfort, he wont see the dermatologist. It’s a waiting game to see how many side effects he’ll have of this awful syndrome.

I was let down at our annual, geneticist appointment. Last year, I requested from the doctors to find us a support group for IFAP (didn’t happen). In fact, the doctor said I was the specialist on IFAP now and I know more about the syndrome than him, the doctor (real reassuring considering I don’t know a whole lot). We were told that the type of Alopecia the boys have is called, Atrichia, a rare, recessive form of alopecia where people are born with hair that falls out and is never replaced. Wells has a patch of hair like this and most of Crosby’s head has no hair. The rosemary oil we’ve been buying and putting on their scalp does no good; the hair loss is irreversible.

Nationwide Children’s hospital hosted a Rare Disease Day on March 1st, that my mother-in-law and I attended for knowledge about participation in research studies for the boys. Organizations like NORD and A Kid Again set up booths to spread awareness of their services. The MC spoke about rare diseases being embodied by the zebra; when you hear hooves, you think horses however, sometimes hooves can mean zebras!

The keynote speaker was a doctor and patient who discovered, and named, a rare disease. They were incredibly transparent about the research/patient experience (no one wants their children to feel like lab rats). We were informed of the website clinicaltrials.gov where we’ve already found studies both active and completed about parts of IFAP. Ichthyosis is really being researched in France.

At the end of the session, the MC asked for everyone in attendance to take a group photo. By chance, the doctor who spoke stood next to me! I asked her, “What should I do if our doctors aren’t looking into research studies for us? I know more about our rare disease than the doctors do.” She explained to me that it’s the doctors who will be able to find the best clinical studies for my boys and that I should reach out to them and let them know that I am interested in research studies even if it’s done by a fellow and not a “famous” doctor. I told her that some research is being done in France for parts of IFAP syndrome to which she said, “Sounds like that could be a nice vacation. I have patients in France. Try to contact the doctor facilitating the protocol and see if they know anyone in the U.S. also doing this research.”

The breakout session we attended was about participation in research studies. It was suggested to contact the pharmaceutical company of the medication the boys are on to see if there’s research studies we can take part in. Researchmatch was another application that was mentioned to connect patients to clinical studies.

I learned that there is a Rare Disease Advisory Counsel that I might try to join when I get some free time (lol free time, what is that?) NCH has a program called “Connecting families” where families who are newly diagnosed can speak with families who have been through it. It would be incredibly rare for someone to have IFAP but I am definitely interested in potentially helping another family facilitate life with a rare disease. There are also rare disease sibling support groups that I could look into later for Millie.

A week after the Rare Disease event, I was informed that our family qualified for, A Kid Again. It’s a nonprofit organization that offers free, monthly events and activities for families dealing with a life-threatening condition. They handle all the expenses and details, so that families can simply enjoy themselves. I was excited that we were given this opportunity but at the same time I felt bad because my sons have poor enough health to qualify. (I gave that to them, that compromised X chromosome.) The kids don’t age out until they’re twenty so we can experience these fun adventures for a while. I know they’ll be something we all look forward to. We will go to our first outing in April!

Baby

My Baby, My Genes

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My Baby, My Genes

I’ve found that given time, life does not disappoint in writing material.

I hate this post. I hate writing this post.

Wells was born with an interesting hairline on the back of his head. At twelve months, we took him to get his first haircut and the hairdresser said, “He won’t grow hair there.”

At 18 months old, Wells lost his eyebrows. How does one lose their eyebrows? We chalked it up to KP (Keratosis Pilaris) a skin condition that Wells has and I also have, which can block hair follicles.

Wells wasn’t saying words like the pediatrician’s developmental survey suggested. We brought this up to the doctor and she said, “Let’s give it six months and see what happens.”

Wells’ speech did not improve. He was frustrated when trying to communicate and I contacted a state funded program and got him into speech therapy. Problem solved, right?

We saw the pediatrician six more times within a two month period because of Wells’ eyes. He lost all of his eyelashes. He had a “gunk” that no drops or ointment was alleviating. We were worried about his vision.

The pediatrician told me that she was suspicious that Wells’ medical issues could be linked to a genetic disorder or an auto-immune disease. What? Chris and I didn’t have any genetic markers. We don’t have any auto-immune diseases in our family. I was scared and defensive. She explained that he had many issues; his hair, his skin, his eyes, his developmental delay. Every issue could be a stand-alone problem or it could be tied to something more. She promised she would look into it but in the meantime, she recommended an ophthalmologist to take a look at his eyes.

The ophthalmologist was quick to tell us that Wells’ tear ducts must be blocked in his nasal passageway. His tears were backing up and creating excess mucus in his eyes. She could do a surgical procedure to put in temporary tubes to help his tears drain correctly. We asked her if this issue was linked to any other disorder that she knew of and she said, “Not at all. It’ll be fixed in six months time.” We mentioned Wells’ severe eye sensitivity which she thought was being caused by his many eye treatments. She referred us to an ENT before we scheduled the procedure because of his constant nasal drip.

The ENT saw inflamed nasal passageways. He was confident that Wells’ adenoids needed to be removed. As a last ditch effort to stop the drainage, the ENT prescribed Wells a ten day, antibiotic steroid however, when that didn’t work, we scheduled the adenoidectomy. The ENT also referred Wells to an audiologist after I informed him of Wells’ speech delay. Wells passed the hearing test.

Wells did not want to wear the hospital gown for surgery. The best advice I was given was from my best friend, Lindsey who told me to ask for anxiety medicine for Wells before he went into surgery. Once that was in his system, he was loopy and fine with going back to the surgical room. (I was a crying mess.)

The ENT was able to perform the adenoidectomy while Wells was under the anesthesia from his eye tube surgery. The doctor relayed to us that Wells’ adenoids were enlarged and had pockets of puss; we were glad they were removed. The eye doctor informed us that the eye tubes were inserted perfectly and she was able to fully examine his eyes. She explained to us that Wells had blocked oil glands on his eye lids and because of this, his eyes were not making the correct balance of moisture (water, oil, and mucus). She prescribed a steroidal ointment to try to get the inflammation down on his eyelids so that the oil glands could open.

It was difficult for Wells when he came off the anesthesia. He ripped his IV out and blood got everywhere. He cried for a long time. Once he started drinking, the nurses said we could take him home. I got him a whale balloon from the gift shop that came off it’s string in the parking garage. Chris got on top of the Jeep to rescue it. Wells was happy to eat as much non-dairy ice-cream as he wanted. He had a lot of dried blood on his face the next morning and his breath smelled terrible for a week because of the scabbing.

Six weeks later we went back to the ophthalmologist for a follow up appointment. The ophthalmologist was not thrilled with the results and either were we. Wells’ eyes were still over producing mucus and tears. His eyes were still incredibly sensitive to light. We made an appointment to remove the eye tubes and she referred us to a cornea specialist for further examination.

Our ENT visit was much of the same – disappointing. He still saw significant inflammation in Wells’ nasal passages. He recommended that we see an allergist to rule out environmental allergies for the cause of his inflammation and continued nasal drip.

Our next appointment was with the dermatologist, an appointment that was scheduled six months prior. (Hindsight 20/20 I wish this would’ve been the first appointment we went to.) We spoke to the doctor about Wells’ hair loss. We were very concerned with the condition of his skin. We told her about his recent ENT and eye appointments, as well as his speech delay. The dermatologist was hesitant to say anything definitively but she believed it to be Alopecia Areata, an autoimmune disease that targets inflammation of the hair follicles. She went to get another dermatologist for a second opinion and I cried thinking about the struggles Wells would have to endure.

The next dermatologist was not sold on an Alopecia Areata diagnosis because it would be unusual for the hair loss to start with the eyebrows and eyelashes. She asked us more questions about Wells and his different medical issues when she noticed Wells squinting while looking at my phone screen. She asked, “One final question, does Wells have light sensitivity?” Wells has had severe light sensitivity his entire life. When he is in the sun he must wear a hat and sunglasses or his eyes will roll to the back of his head. His eyes water uncontrollably in bright light. The night before our appointment, Wells complained to us that the TV was too bright. When we told her this information she said, “I have only seen this once, a long time ago during residency, but I think Wells might have a genetic disorder called IFAP.”

The dermatologist was positive that Wells’ issues were being caused by an autoimmune disease or a genetic disorder but she couldn’t be sure which without a blood test. Genetic testing is incredibly expensive so she put in an order through our insurance which took a couple of weeks to get approved. In the meantime, she wanted us to use topical cream for Alopecia just in case that would’ve worked, we would know that the inflammation was caused by the autoimmune disease and we wouldn’t have needed to go through the genetic testing. Not only were these topical meds expensive, I didn’t want to put Wells on any steroids that weren’t absolutely going to solve his problem. Once the order for the blood draw cleared through the insurance, the dermatologist put in an order for the lab to draw blood and check his DNA for two specific compromised genes associated with IFAP syndrome.

Wells’ blood was sent out to a lab in California. The test concluded that his LRP1 gene and MBTPS2 gene were compromised. We were contacted by the dermatologist almost immediately after receiving these results and she confirmed that Wells has the genetic condition, IFAP. IFAP stands for Ichthyosis Follicularis, Alopecia, and Photophobia. IF – his skin, A – his hair loss, and P – his eye sensitivity. This syndrome is a rare X-linked genetic disorder reported in only 40 patients, ever. Don’t Google pictures. My poor baby.

Known to occur in people with IFAP syndrome is corneal abnormalities including a defective tear film and recurrent atopic keratoconjunctival inflammations (exactly what was happening with Wells’ eyes). Did we need to do the tear duct surgery? No. That was never going to fix Wells’ eye issues however, at the time, we were unaware of this genetic disorder. We have since informed the ophthalmologist, who had never heard of IFAP syndrome, of Wells’ diagnosis and she is now researching other cases to better help Wells.

The steroidal cream that Wells was prescribed after his ocular surgery was too strong to be used long term; it could cause too much pressure in the eyes which could lead to glaucoma. We now have to administer an eye drop four times a day and it is not fun, Wells fights us every time. We found out that the drops burn and blur his vision (I contacted the cornea specialist about how it was a terrible experience every time we’d administer his eye drops and she informed us that they are not pleasant but entirely necessary.) It’s been incredibly difficult. He is scheduled to get the eye tubes removed next month as well as a more thorough eye exam by the cornea specialist, all while under anesthesia.

It was time to see the allergist. The ENT wanted to rule out food and environmental allergies for the cause of his nasal drip and inflammation. We explained to the allergist that Wells had been recently diagnosed with IFAP syndrome and that eye and nasal lacrimation are common symptoms of this rare disorder. The doctor called for a full allergy panel, which was administered into Wells’ back. He sat on my lap, facing me, while the nurse pressed the spokes into his skin. He cried and it upset Millie, who came to this appointment. The nurse came back with popsicles for both of them and they were instantly calmed. After ten minutes, the test was complete and Wells showed no signs of allergies. The allergist concluded that any drainage Wells was experiencing was not food or environment related. We were able to rule out allergies and add these drippy symptoms to the list of IFAP complications in Wells’ case.

To better understand IFAP syndrome and what it means for Wells and our family, we saw a geneticist and a genetic counselor. The geneticist was extremely transparent about how fortunate we were to have a doctor (his dermatologist) recognize this syndrome and to “cherry-pick” which chromosomes to test in Wells’ DNA. He told us that there are only 9 recorded cases to have the same mutation as Wells. This syndrome goes undiagnosed because people with these issues do not connect their problems to one diagnosis, and even if they do, they do not know where to begin (the expense of funding a wild-goose-chase of genetic lab work is astronomical). The geneticist believed IFAP to be congenital, meaning the severity of which Wells was born with, will be what he has; for example, he won’t develop mental retardation (a symptom some experience with IFAP). We will see the geneticist yearly to update him on Wells’ developments to hopefully help others learn about this syndrome. He also gave us his card if our new baby is a boy. This way, he can order genetic labs right away.

It was the genetic counselor who explained to us how Wells acquired IFAP syndrome. Males have an X and a Y chromosome, I gave Wells one of my X chromosomes and Chris gave Wells his Y (I couldn’t give Wells a Y chromosome because I don’t have one, I have two X chromosomes because I’m a female). One of my X chromosomes is normal and the other X chromosome is compromised. Because I have one good X, my symptoms of IFAP are lessened therefore, I’m a carrier of the syndrome. Unfortunately, the X that I passed onto Wells was my compromised X chromosome. He doesn’t have another X to combat the compromised X, so his symptoms of IFAP are full force. My father has all of Wells’ same symptoms. His mother, my paternal grandmother, is a carrier. Her father had these same symptoms. The genetic counselor said this is a males syndrome; they give it to their daughters who become carriers, and those daughters give the syndrome to their sons.

Millie could be a carrier for IFAP syndrome. I could have given her my compromised X but so far, she doesn’t have any IFAP symptoms. She can chose to be genetically tested before she decides to reproduce. If she is a carrier and has a boy, he would have a 50% chance of having IFAP syndrome.

When baby number three is born (we do not know gender) and if the baby is a boy, blood will be drawn while we are in the hospital to be sent to the lab to test for IFAP. At this point, I am hoping that this new baby is a girl OR a boy with my non-compromised X chromosome.

Severe cases of IFAP have noted kidney abnormalities. To make sure Wells’ kidneys developed correctly we took him to get an ultrasound. He was such a brave boy when he was laying on the table. I put my head next to his and we sang Mickey songs together. The tech ran the ultrasound on his belly and his back. She complimented Wells on how well he did and me on my singing. We received the results within the next hour. Wells’ kidneys were sonographically normal and in the normal range for renal dimension. This was a great relief.

In some cases of IFAP, mental retardation is present. With Wells’ CAS (childhood apraxia of speech) diagnosis, we were referred to a neurologist to make sure Wells’ brain was appropriately developed. When we arrived, the nurse gave Wells a sheet of emoji stickers that he stuck to the patient table in a circle and pretended to play duck-duck-goose with them – it was adorable. The neurologist was unfamiliar with IFAP and wanted to test Wells to get a baseline of his development. She asked him questions like, “touch the door, after touching the floor”. She had him stand on one leg. She asked him to point to certain colors, what his best friend’s name was (he said Mia), and to sing his favorite song (the PJ Mask theme song). She was aware of his apraxia and noted that she observed this in his speech however, everything else she tested him on was either developmentally appropriate or advanced for his age. We were thrilled.

The neurologist explained to us that 28-30% of children with IFAP develop seizures. She told us what to look out for if Wells starts to seize and that sometimes seizures don’t look like they do in the movies; he could stare off and not come out of it, one limb could rhythmically move, etc. We have a plan moving forward if he develops this part of the syndrome and until then, Wells does not need to see neurology on a regular basis.

Most recently, we went back to the ENT for the final follow up for Wells’ adenoidectomy. Unfortunately, Wells continues to have a nasal drip. After being tested by the allergist at the ENT’s request, we found that Wells has no allergies alas, his nasal drip is not caused by allergies. The doctor checked to make sure Wells hadn’t put anything up his nose (he did not). He checked his ears and throat (both of which looked great). It was determined that Wells’ drainage is IFAP related but to what extent, the ENT wasn’t sure. While he discusses the possibilities of why this is happening with the geneticist, he put Wells on a steroidal nasal spray to reduce his inflammation. The ENT believes this will be a chronic issue for Wells.

Through the Ohio Department of Health we are in the process of applying for CMH which stands for Children with Medical Handicaps. This health care program will help to offset the costs of Wells’ medical needs.

This diagnosis is beyond scary. All I want to do is help my baby and take this away for him. Unbeknownst to me, I was the one to give this to him. There is a perpetual feeling of guilt that I have to suppress as I need to focus on what Wells is going through and his needs. I will forever be his advocate as we navigate this syndrome, together.

moving

Would the Owner of the White Car Please GTFOH

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Would the Owner of the White Car Please GTFOH

As we settled into our new home we noticed a car that seemed to never move, parked outside our house. My friends assumed we bought a used car; it was always there, on the curb. One morning as I was watering the plants, our neighbor introduced herself to me, “I am 72 years old and we will never leave this home.” … our initial interaction was odd but I chalked that up to her age. The next morning as I was watering my hydrangeas I asked my neighbor if she knew who’s car was parked in front of my house, “Yeah, it’s mine”. After that, the car moved for about a week but then it was back for good.

I was chasing Mill up the sidewalk when I ran into a neighbor who was all too eager to gossip about everyone in our cul-de-sac. She told me that her neighbor was socially awkward (like he might keep women in his basement – her words not mine) and that the boys who ride their bikes around are autistic. Between her assumptions and fabrications she did spew some interesting information about my next door neighbor, “If the white car is out front, that means her son is living with them again”.

The interactions with those neighbors were minimal. We’d wave to the old man as he mowed his grass. I would talk to the woman about the weather as we watered our flowers. As the weather got colder and snow covered the streets, I would shovel their sidewalk along with mine. Millie and I made them a plate of cookies for Christmas; an assortment of cookies with a card that she signed. We bundled up and walked over to their house but left the cookies on the porch because nobody answered. (We assumed it was because of COVID.)

March rolled around and the kids were desperate to get outside. On a particularly nice evening, after dinner, we took a family walk. Chris pushed the stroller and we let Millie run around in the grass by the pond. As we were headed home, we ran into a friend of mine, a sales representative for instruments and repair. We knew that he lived in our neighborhood but had never seen him out before. As we were chatting, Mill and Wells were playing with his dog. During our conversation about home values and mulch fundraisers, he mentioned that he thought we lived in close proximity of a child sex offender; he thought the man lived on our street and that he might in fact be our next door neighbor. The conversation moved onto back patios and football then oddly enough, his neighbors lawn mower caught fire right in front of us. Even an explosion wasn’t enough to get my mind off of the potential threat to my family.

I sat on the couch, pulled out my phone, and frantically began searching the internet. Our county has a website that allows you to search for sex offenders near you. I typed in our home address and my fear was confirmed. We had five offenders within a two mile radius of us, with the closest being the house next door. The mugshot associated with the address was not of the owner of the home, but their son. The site listed his name, age, employer and his work address, crimes committed, vehicle description and license plate number. This confirmed that the white car in front of my home was his, a man convected of pandering a juvenile male.

My anxiety heightened as the night went on. “The children played outside in their bathing suits this summer! I literally walked Millie over to their porch to deliver Christmas cookies!” Chris and I knew that we had to have more answers before we started to assume the worst. The following day, Chris walked over to speak with the neighbors. I could see him from the window above my kitchen sink. The old couple sat with Chris on the porch for what felt like an eternity. When he came back home, the news was not comforting.

Our neighbors were incredibly forthcoming with information. They assumed we knew about their son, the sexual predator. Chris explained to them that we were unaware and that we were concerned for the well-being of our children. They commended Chris for wanting to protect his family and told him that he was the first person in the neighborhood to approach them with questions. They told Chris about their 46 year old son who had his doctorate in French studies. What started as one glass of scotch a night became two, three, four, etc. He began downloading child pornography – they claim he didn’t realize that the children in these videos were being abused. According to his parents, he went to court, lost everything, and was living with them because he was suicidal. He struggles with the guilt of knowing what he had participated in. He was assigned a probation officer and a physiatrist that he spoke with daily. He chose to do his grocery shopping during the school day while kids were at school, he limited his time spent outside, his internet rights were taken away – but in the six months his probation would end.

I feared the worst. Could my children ever play outside without me worrying? What if he hacks into our WiFi and illegally downloads filthy things and the police thinks it’s us?! I couldn’t wrap my mind around him watching the 15+ children on my street. Why wouldn’t his parents move him away from the temptation? I called the non-emergency police line and spoke with a deputy about my options. His words verbatim, “We protect those bastards and because he registers as an offender, he continues to have the same rights as everyone else.” I was advised to not say anything in the form of signs or fliers because I could be sued for defamation of character. The officers advice to us was to move away. He said, “Don’t play Russian roulette with your children.”

Watering my plants was no longer enjoyable. I was on high alert whenever I was outside. I was uncomfortable getting my mail, playing in the yard with the kids, and eating dinners on the patio. I knew it was time to get serious about moving. We contacted our realtor, who swears she had no idea about the proximity of the sex offender, and she put a for sale sign in our front yard. That sign was a visual representation of taking control of a dangerous situation. The market was insane but we sold our beautiful home (that we only lived in for eleven months) and we were able to move out of that neighborhood and into one with two schools within a mile (so no sex offenders can live there).

I remember the first interaction I had with that neighbor, telling me that she’d never leave – what a bizarre thing to say to someone you just met. Now I realize why she said it. She thought we knew about her son. She thought I was curious if the sex offender on the street would be moving any time soon. As I walked into the post office for a change of address form, I noticed a sign hanging on the lobby cork board with fines and penalties for sending illegal mail; $50k for reusing postage. $10K for sending child pornography. My eyes have been opened in a whole new, terrifying way.

grief

Love and Loss

Featuredby motheringmillie4 Comments on Love and Loss
Love and Loss

My Millie,

This post has been so difficult for me to write because my current reality is incomprehensible. When you are able to read this, time will have lessened my waves of sorrow however, right now, it’s all very raw and emotional. I’m going to try my best to write through my grief so you can see your mother’s honest vulnerability.

On September 22nd 2019, your aunt, my only sister, completed her battle with bi-polar depression. How can I begin to explain the person she was? Words cannot describe her contagious laugh. The mere stories I will tell over the years will never give justice to her vibrant life. No longer is the person who would sing to you in your car seat to make you smile. How can I possibly make you feel just how much she loved you?

Your aunt was the sun, our Shani-sunshine.

Bright– Shani was so incredibly smart and she was such a good student. I teach with women who taught your aunt in grade school and they all loved her personality and work ethic. They refer to her as one of their favorite, most memorable students of their careers. Throughout her schooling, she had completed her masters degree in psychology and was working towards a Psy-D, Shani was always the “teachers pet” and proudly, the top of her class. I always thought, if Shani was in school, her mind was in the right place. I knew nothing about the mania that accompanies bi-polar disorder and what she felt necessary for the success in her prestigious, doctoral program. Her energy source was the same disorder that would lie to her and put her down.

Nurturing – Our bodies need the sun’s vitamins and you could call Shani, my vitamin D. If I was having a bad day, or I was walking alone in a parking lot, if I needed someone to talk to, Shani was only ever a phone call away. She loved to FaceTime with you and we would, daily. She was the first person to babysit you while I went to my six-week OB appointment and she took the sweetest pictures of you inside of your stocking. During the last phone conversation we had together, she commented on how sweet your little voice sounded and how much she missed you. We were making plans for her to come visit for your second birthday and how she thought I was ridiculous for wanting to rent a kangaroo.

For as far back as I can remember, Shani and I would talk about our futures with one another; pool side, on the porch, sitting on her bed in the early hours of the morning. She always said she would carry children for me if I wouldn’t have been able to. (Although, after she experienced my labor with you, I think she reneged on that one.) She was so excited when I told her I was pregnant for you. She said that she would be the “cool aunt” that you could go and live with during your rambunctious, teenage years. She wanted you to be able to talk to her about your crushes and all the awkward things you wouldn’t want your mom knowing about. She threatened me by saying that she’d tell you all about my years in high school. She had plans to help pay for your college. She had plans to care for you and her future family.

Your aunt knew a song for every occasion and she had an incredible voice. When she auditioned for women’s chorus in high school, she sang, “Lean on Me”, which is incredibly fitting for the friend that she was. If we couldn’t spend Thanksgiving Day together, she’d call me up and we’d sing the turkey song over the phone. On the day you were born, she kept singing, “Edelweiss”. Small and white, clean and bright. You look happy to meet me. She listened to all genres of music; gospel, show tunes, rap, country, etc. She even dabbled in recording. Her range was great and she had an ear for harmony. I had amazing opportunities to hear Shani sing; beautifully at a wedding reception, in the church at Bridgewater, during karaoke together, and my favorite memory of her voice – singing to you cradled in her arms.

Shani cared for everyone. It didn’t matter race, sexual orientation, social status, etc. When we were kids, she would find dead mice in our garage and make beds for them out of old shoeboxes and try to keep them as pets; completely disregarding Gams wishes to throw the dead rodent away. In high-school, she started an equality club for the LGBTQ community (sorry if I didn’t use the correct acronym, Shani – she would be quick to correct me if it’s wrong). She got a speeding ticket in college while taking her sick roommate to the hospital. Shani had no money to give but she gave freely to friends and causes, despite what I had to say about it. She had clients who clung to her every word and had her cellphone number incase of emergencies.

Shani would make sure everyone was well fed. She loved tomato sandwiches in the summertime. Shani was always the one to cut up the fresh pineapple. Your aunt worked at Johnny Rockets, a diner where she would dance and sing in between serving milkshakes and she had so many regulars because of her bubbly personality. She had so much fun baking my bachelorette party cakes; one black and one white, you’ll understand that when you’re older. Shani was always first to try my vegan recipes and was supportive of our family’s lifestyle. Last year, she urged everyone in the family to stop using plastic straws for the sake of the sea turtles.

She took you to the beach when you were six months old and bought you toys to play with in the sand. She always bought you things that would help grow your brain. The Veggietales DVDs and Noahs Arc toy were gifts from her for your dedication because she wanted you to grow in Christ. She wrote you a book and bought you so many books; she didn’t just read them to you, but she encouraged you to read them aloud in your baby babble language. Shani cared about the students that I taught, too. My second year of teaching, Shani bought my entire classroom clipboards for my birthday. She helped run a fundraiser for my class to get ukuleles. On her spring break, instead of sleeping-in, Shani ran the music for my choir concert.

I desperately wish that she could have turned off the voices inside her head that told her she wasn’t good enough. To everyone else, she was vitamin D.

Dazzling – Her beauty was effortless. We are so fortunate to live during a time where pictures and videos can be retrieved in seconds because some of her radiance was captured in those quick moments and short clips. She exuded confidence. (Now, I question how much of that was a facade due to her disorder.) Men wanted her and women wanted to be her. She would talk about getting her ears pinned back, having an eyelid procedure, and needing a boob-lift; I vetoed the surgical nonsense every time she brought up because your aunt needed none of that. She had the most shiny hair, the quirkiest placed dimple under her eye, an hourglass figure, a pixie nose, and most petite hands and feet. The Friday before Shani took her life, I told her that I wished she could see herself the way that I saw her, but now I know that the darkness of the disorder would prevent her from feeling that way.

Consistent with the rising sun is unforgiving darkness and unfortunately, Aunt Shani experienced that, too.

Your aunt struggled to find men who were worth a damn. There were plenty of men interested in her and she would date them when she felt like it but she was notorious for falling for the guys who needed, “fixing”; the divorcee, military men with ptsd, her exes. I told her many times, you can’t force someone to change and that we only have control of ourselves – but the disorder kept her from having control of her feelings. Shani told me that she would never, “settle” in a relationship and that she believed in soul mates; I argued with her about this. I wanted her to find stability in a relationship. Now, I wish I could have done more to help her obtain stability within herself.

We shouldn’t stare directly at the sun. I would wait for the “right time” to tell my sister things, not knowing how she would react. If you would ask Shani a personal question about her love life, significant choices, or her mental state, she would quickly change the subject, get irritated and defensive, and remind you that she was, “fine”. My sunscreen was you. No matter how frustrated she’d be with me for asking too many questions or how upset she’d get when I wouldn’t agree with her on a political stance, I could change the subject to you and her entire attitude would change. She always agreed with my parenting choices and would never tire of the stories I’d tell her about you.

I don’t remember life before my sister was born because as far back as I can remember, she’s been there. Shani has always been there just as the sun has been burning for 4 billion years. I never thought I’d have to live life without her. Life ceases to exist without the sun and I’m having an impossible time without mine. Learning to navigate this changed world is incredibly difficult; the finalization of death. There are nights when the tears won’t end. I no longer listen to the radio or watch television for the fear that something will remind me of her. I have to push myself to speak to my friends, do anything outside the house for myself, and celebrate the holidays. And I’m sorry for the times you see me crying in the kitchen – I just hate that you’ll never get the opportunity to be in your Aunts wedding or to hear her beautiful voice at Christmas time.

But you, my love, are a light and I need you to know that during this time of heavy darkness, you will forever be my saving spark, my energy source, and the illumination that keeps me going. I pray that God will carry us through this time of heartache and that Shani is resting in paradise with our Heavenly Father.

National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

I love you, Ashani Leigh Pompey and I’ll never stop. It sucks that we can’t make any new memories together but I know that one day, I’ll get to see you face to face and tell you all about this crazy, beautiful life. On the other side, my baby sis, my sunshine.

Baby

Mill Says the Darndest Things

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Mill Says the Darndest Things

Millie was quick to speak. We quickly realized that we had to write down what she said and its context or else there would be no possible way we’d remember the adorable way she found her voice. At two and a half years old, Millie cracked us up by calling her socked feet, “awkward.” She’d use big words like hydrate, camouflage, and seriously. Here’s my attempt to capturing some of her cute “Millie-isms” throughout the years.

April 2021 My mom altered a picture of my grandma using a younger filter, “Millie does this picture look like MawMaw?”
Millie – “Not even.”

May 2021 Seeing roofers on the neighbors house, Millie – “Hey boys!”

Me – “Remember when you rode on that camels back? You were so brave!”
Millie – “No. I was definitely scared.”

Me – “You knocked over Mommy and Daddy’s wedding picture and you need to say you’re sorry.” Millie – “You’re the worst.”

June 2021 Watching the Kids Baking Championship, Millie – “Mommy, he is really a boy.”

Me singing, “I Like to Move it, Move it”, Millie – “No more of that stupid music!” (You were reprimanded for this)

Chris buckling Mill into her car seat, Millie – “You’re taking my life away!”

Millie and me watching a show about Koalas, Millie – “I’m sorry, her mom is not attractive.”

June 2021 After her first dentist appointment, Me – “I’m so proud of you.” Millie – “I’m proud of me, too.”

7/4/21 Watching fireworks with friends and Millie asked a 6 year old, “How old were you when you lost your first tooth?” He answered, “I haven’t lost any of my teeth yet.” (I was so impressed with her well worded question.)

I was singing along with music in the car. Millie – “Mommy, I hear two voices and I only want to hear one.”

July 2021 Aunt Mollie holding you across the hot sand at the beach, “I have to put you down now baby.” Millie – “I can’t walk forever.”

Millie – “Logan’s my boyfriend.” Me – “No honey, he’s your friend. You can’t start having boyfriends until you’re 16.” Millie – “Mommy, I’m 17 today.”

August 2021 Millie and Maw bought me a beautiful, pink hydrangea plant but it died while we we were on vacation. I planted the roots and continued to water the very dead looking plant. Millie would ask, “Is it dead?” every time we’d go outback. I would tell her that the roots were still good and if we’re lucky, the hydrangea would grow back. Weeks later, I saw some green leaves growing from the hydrangea. I turned off the hose, bent down, and showed Mill what water, sunshine, and love could do. Millie said, “Thank you for showing me this to me, mommy.”

Watching Peter Pan when the Dog Nana can’t fly to Neverland because she’s roped up. Millie says, “Well that’s disappointing.”

9/19/21 According to Millie, we’re only allowed to refer to Wells as, “Poom-pa”. He was her husband and was very resistant to her affection.

Me – “Are you gonna love your mama forever?” Mill – “You’re the best, you guess.”

Looking at a wedding picture of Chris and me, Millie asks, “Who was babysitting me at your wedding?”

Maw, “Amelia how long is the aquarium open? From when to when?” Millie said, “when to when.”

Painting Christmas decorations, Millie – “Mary, Jesus, and Jo-fiss.”

Millie going to the bathroom – Chris tried to give her a high five. She declined. Chris gave her a kiss. Mille, “I need a little privacy!” When she was finished, “I poop-did!”

12/22 Listening to Christmas music in the car and Deck the Halls changed from a major to a minor tonality. Millie – “This sounds like Christmas and Halloween! Like Santa turned into a warewolf!”

Mawmaw- “It’s cold in Minnesota.” Millie – “I would drink a cold mini soda!”

1/14/22 Me, dancing because I got the final jeopardy question right. Millie – “That’s bad. That’s so bad.”

Playing restaurant with Millie – “You make the food. You are the peasant. I am the rich lady.”

Me – “You can sit on my lap if you want.” Millie – “I would love to.”

Millie playing the piano – “This song is called Frozen, not Frozen from Frozen.”

Millie came home from ballet – “Hi, Wells. I’m back.” Wells looked over his shoulder and saw me, ran and yelled, “MAMA!” Millie – “He still loves me.”

Maw – “Millie, finish your corndog.” Mill – “I can’t. I’m Mexican. Mexicans don’t eat corn dogs.”

Her car seat was making a squeaky sound on the car leather. Mill – “I don’t like that sound. It makes me annoyed.”

Mia “I drew a potato in the story.” Me, “Why?”
Mia, “just for another character.”

March 2022 Chris singing all the words to Smashmouth’s, “All Star”. Millie – “Daddy, you’re just not cool”.

Millie – “Mommy, I have the rep-a-see on my phone” (she hold out her hand) “Two vegan eggs, butta, some chaulk-it chips. Do we have all of that?”

Millie holding a popcorn kernel – “If I plant this seed, it’ll turn into a popcorn tree.”

4/25/22 Mill and I playing Barbies – Mill, “Our parents are on vacation so that means I’m the boss.” Me, “Who made you the boss?” Millie, “Jesus. Now let’s go.”

5/4/22 Mill, “Mommy, at my next birthday I’m going to be six.” Me, “No, Mill. You’re going to be five. Can’t you just turn three again?” Mill, “No, Mommy. I can’t go back to where I’ve already been.”

5/19/22 Mill, “Daddy, will you blow up the poop bag?” Asking about the whoopie cushion!

6/19/2022 Me while cleaning the kitchen, “I don’t know why anyone would come over to our house a second time, it’s disgusting.” Millie, “Oh, it’s awful.”

7/6 Mill, trying to open a peanut shell with her fork, “See Mommy. It’s science.” Me, “Be careful, science.” Millie, “I’m not science, I’m curious!”

Mill, “Chicken, chicken, pizza dinner.” Chris, “Good try, honey. It’s actually, ‘winner, winner, chicken dinner.’” Mill, “I like pizza.”

Millie having an awesome day with her friend. “I love Maisey. She matches my mood.”

Cute words: Rep-a-see (recipe), ba-cholt-lay (chipotle), jo-fiss (Joseph), talkie-wakie (walkie-talkie), cockle-cockle-do (cockle-doodle-do), cal-a-pitter (caterpillar), ska-betty (spaghetti).

Millie at the Ohio State Fair, “That’s a big goat!” Me, “That’s a cow.”

8/1/22 Watching Master Chef Gordon Ramsey, “…without a shadow of a doubt.” Millie, “I have a shadow of a dog.” holding her stuffed animal, Fitz in the air, casting a shadow of him on the wall.

Millie to Wells after he threw a potato at her in the grocery cart, “Wells, you’re going to have a consequent”.

10/22 Chris, “Mia, do you have a cold?” Mill, “No, just the sniffles.” Chris, “Well, it is the season.” Mill, “Yeah, the astronauts.” Chris, “The what?” Mill, “The astronauts that come from Mars and bring all the germs.”

12/24/22 Millie to Wells – “If you’re not nice, Santa will put you on the naughty list.” Wells – “wandy wist” Mill – “The naughty list. Not the laundry list.”

Millie watching a commercial, “That man looks like a monkey, like a tangerine.” Me – “You mean an orangutan?” Millie, “yeeaaahh.”

Mill – “Snoop Soggy Dog!”

1/26/23 I was speaking to Chris about a contestant on a cooking show – “You know she’s only there because she’s a pretty blonde.” Millie – “She can’t see?!” Me – “That’s blind, honey. “

Chris and Millie playing tic-tac-toe, Millie – “Don’t go there.” Chris – “Hey, you can’t tell me where to go.” Millie -“Don’t try to block me!” Chris – “I’m not going to just let you win for free!” Millie – “Nooo, Jesus wants me to win!”

4/1/23 Me – “Mill, what’s your favorite thing about Wells?” Millie – “Nothing.” Me – “Come on, there has to be something you like about your brother.” Millie – “Yeah. I like his squeezey hugs.”

Mill singing, “Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily life is down the stream.”

4/20/23 Millie got in trouble at school for talking while the teacher was talking. The teacher was going to separate the two for continuing to talk to each other. I said, “Mill, who were you sitting next to? Layla, Lucy, Taylor? Mill – “No, it was a boy. Hudson.” Me – “Okay, what were you talking about?” Mill – “He was telling me that he thinks I’m pretty.”

4/27/23 Wells was very emotional coming off his anesthesia from an eye procedure. He was kicking and hitting and it was hurting Millie’s feelings. Mill said – “The doctors erased his memory!”

4/28/23 Millie trying to explain a bunk bed to Wells. Millie- “It’s like two beds stuck together.” Wells – “What?” Mill – “Wells, it’s like two beds but together.” Wells – “What?” Millie – “Ugh. It’s hard to explain.”

5/4/23 Millie – “Good morning, sis-a-tens!” Chris – “It’s citizens.”

5/19/23 Getting ready to do a craft ; Me – “Millie, where are you?” Millie – “In the bathroom. Make sure Fitz (her stuffed dog) doesn’t chew on the candle!” Me – “Okay. Fitz, don’t chew on the candle.” Millie – “Fitz is a good dog Mommy, don’t tell him what to do!”

6/3/23 Chris and his dad took Millie and Wells to Home Depot to do a kids project. Millie, “I know what’s next.” Grandpa, “How do you know?” Millie, “Because I can see.”

6/10/23 At Taylor’s softball game Wells and Mill were playing in the dirt. Millie said, “Wells you watch me but do not irritate me.”

6/12/23 Millie came home from vacation Bible school and was like, “I learned about King Lewis!” We got an email like, “Today we learned about King Josiah.” she is so bad with names.

7/2/23 Millie eating pasta salad next to mawmaw, “I’m eating my appetite!”

7/8/23 Asking Millie to help me clean up the playroom, “I can’t. I’m calming down this raccoon.”

7/17/23 Waiting in the car for her dentist appointment, Chris, Millie, and Wells were singing Kidzbop songs. The song “Kings and Queens” came on, and Amelia goes, “Why do they raise their toes?” The song says “raise a toast”.

7/31/23 Chris was skipping rocks on the lake and Millie said, “Here Daddy! Skittle this rock!”

8/2/23 Wells was asleep on the couch and Millie said, “I like to snuggle him now because I can rub his ear and he won’t fight me.”

8/3/23 Watching soccer Millie says, “Daddy likes Mama-drid.” It’s Real Madrid.

9/29/23 Mill singing, “corn dog, corn bread, corn in your poop.”

10/5/23 Mill at Doughnuts for Dad at her school, a little girl asked what Chris’ name was. Mill said her name. The little girl said, “No, not your name, your Daddy’s name.” Millie says, “Oh, his name is Daddy.”

10/8/23 Wells was sick. Mill said, “I don’t want his whippy cough!”

11/20/23 I told the kids that they used to be scared of daddy dressed as Santa. Wells was adamant that he is scared of nothing; he stomps on monsters. Millie, “Wells! Don’t fight daddy Santa!”

12/6/23 Wells came with me to pick Millie up from school. Millie said, “What did you do today, Wells?” Wells said, “Watched hamster videos.” Millie said, “Was it the one where the hamster was going through the maze?” I said, “How did you know that, Mill?” Millie said, “Ugh. Wells has forced me to watch that before.”

12/14/23 I asked Millie if she remembered playing Blues Clues with me when she was three. She said, “Was it early in the morning?” I said, “Yeah – you were still in your jammies. How do you remember that?” Millie – “Sometimes I lock things in my head.”

12/23/23 At the Nutcracker I say, “Alright, it’s intermission”. Mill says, “That’s like…halftime?”

2/28/24 “I don’t want Wells to turn 4, he’s just gonna be more mean to me. He just wants to be the boss.”

3/25/24 Listening to the Hamilton Broadway music, “Why does Hamilton want to go to war? He’s so good at singing.”

4/5/24 “Please, pretty please. I’ll give you a kiss on the face if we don’t watch the Cubs.”

4/10/24 Mill and I were at the grocery store and she wanted to ride on Sandy the Pony. I didn’t have any change in my purse so I told her she could sit on the ride but it wouldn’t “go”. She walked over to the horse and found pennies sitting next to the ride. She was so excited and asked if she could use one. I agreed and she happily rode the pony ride. As I was putting the groceries into the trunk Mill said, “Mommy, can you let me into the car? I need to pray.” I said, “Sure, what about?” She said, “I want to say thank you to Jesus for that penny. We didn’t have one and he provided for us.” I said, “You know what? That’s a great idea. I’m going to thank him for providing us with a trunk full of groceries.” (I also thanked him for her.)

4/22/24 Millie was the “big spoon” laying next to her daddy at the hotel. She was scratching his head and saying, “shhhh, shhhh”.

5/10/24 Millie to her fishing hook: “You were supposed to go far and get mama a big one!”

5/17/14 We were all ice-skating and Millie said to her daddy, “Your feet are so beautiful!”

5/18/24 When Millie was ending her 3rd ballet season, her instructor, Ms. Angel said they were getting an award of “achievement” and Millie said, “You said cheese?”

5/25/24 While visiting JMU, Millie said, “Daddy, why is this road so heavy?” She was walking up a hill.

6/2/24 Mill was taking a video of her baby brother for her “sus-scri-vers” on the tablet. I heard her say, “Give a like and I’ll show you his new molar!”

7/15/24 “I can’t play that goodly.” Losing at Uno.

7/22/24 Passing the time, coming home from Chicago, Mill- “Knock knock.” Chris, “Who’s there?” Mill (perfectly in time, lets out a huge sneeze): achoo!

8/11/24 Playing volleyball in the pool, “Scootered me over there!”

9/21/24 “Crosby bless-you’d on his food and then he ate it.”

9/27/24 Millie playing hand clapping games with Maw, “Oh, you’re so bad at this.”

10/5/24 Mill and I were discussing her previous birthday party themes in the car, on the way to ballet. I said, “Man, your Barbie birthday was awesome.” Millie said, “Except the drinks were trash.”

11/2/24 Talking about OSU needing to win their game, Millie said, “It’s not fair that one team wins and one team loses.” Chris said, “That is fair. The better team deserves to win.” Mill said, “The football-illians need to decide that both teams can win.”

11/25/24 Watching Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving Millie said, “They call him Chuck. Why?! His name is Charlie Brown!”

12/30/24 Mill was struggling out on the skating rink and she said, “Help me, Mommy! I want to go back on land!”

1/3/25 Leaving Walmart and seeing 6 cops arresting people by the entrance, Millie waves from the back seat and says, “Bye, criminals!”

1/16/25 Driving home after picking Mill up from school Mill says, “If I close my eyes, Crosby smells like a pasta noodle.”

1/23/25 Chris asking Mill how her day was, “Chloe and Lettie are always walking in gym instead of running. And the diabetes girl.”

2/7/25 Mill couldn’t remember what to call the custodian so she called him, “the spill taker”.

4/7/25 Wells was brushing my hair and got it in a tangled mess. Millie said, “ Wells, you put a really big number on this brush.“

5/9/25 We were eating at Roosters and the waitress brought me my veggie sub. Millie asked, “Mommy, is that salad on toast?”

8/15/25 Watching the Tiny Chef Show, I asked, “What’s that fuzzy thing?” Mill said, “That’s his pet. It’s a cat-a-pillar”

9/16/25 Driving home from tennis class, Mill told me she was embarrassed by what a boy behind her said; he asked her, “Are you wearing pink underwear?” Now, Mills skirt was a little big on her but I reassured her that seeing her underwear was better than seeing her butt cheeks. She said, “It’s just weird because he’s a stranger.” I told her, “Don’t worry honey, we won’t wear that skirt for a while.” She said, “So I can get to know him more?” Said, “No! So you can grow into your skirt!”

9/16/25 Watching Dancing with the Stars, Chris said, “I think my song anthem would be living on a prayer.” Millie said, “You mean living on a prairie?”

Baby

Summer of 23

by motheringmillieLeave a Comment on Summer of 23
Summer of 23

Maternity leave with Crosby rolled into summer break. I printed off a checklist I found on Pinterest of fun ideas to make this summer enjoyable for the kids.

Beautiful dancing, colors, and music at the Asian Festival commenced our summer. We heard a guzheng performance, saw dragon kites, and ate lo mein noodles. We watched a Tai Chi studio performance; the movements were so fluid and mesmerizing. Millie danced with an Asian exercise dance group; Wells started to but quickly found his way back to holding my hand. Both kids got their faces painted for the first time; Mill got a rainbow arching from her forehead down her cheek and Wells got a Spider-Man web. He wasn’t thrilled that the artist was touching his face but he was happy when he looked in the mirror. They both colored Japanese opera masks and painted cherry blossoms using the bottom of a coke bottle. I bought an umbrella tree bonsai plant that Mill named Bonsai Bonsai the Bonsai.

During our first week together, we painted rocks for the garden; we painted a lemon slice, a rainbow, and a purple rock that said, brave. Millie and Wells both helped me in the kitchen; Mill helped by chopping vegetables for dinner and Wells helped by putting parmesan cheese on the garlic bread and dividing salad into bowls (not for him though because Wells doesn’t like salad).

We went to the library to register for the summer reading program and to see a children’s comedian, Mike Hemmelgarn. During his performance, Mr. Hemmelgarn juggled balls, performed magic tricks, and told jokes with balloons and puppets. Wells’ favorite part was when the skunk puppet sprayed (squirt gun) and Mill’s favorite part was when Mr. Hemmelgarn drew a face on a dry erase board and that face became a moving puppet!

After the show, Millie and Wells played with legos while I picked out some books; a ballerina book for Mill, a shark dog book for Wells, and a book called, Saying Goodbye to Lulu (we’re getting ready to have to say goodbye to my family dog, Brandy). I heard Wells say, “Mommy? Mommy?” We had to leave the library early because Wells had an accident. I was proud of him though, for telling me, and that he mostly held himself all the way across the library until we got to the bathroom.

Once it was officially strawberry pickin’ season, we took our buckets and went to the fields. My friend from work, Madison met us there. Wells would pick a berry, take a bite, and chuck it as far as he could throw. If he wanted to keep the berry, he’d toss it into the bucket and yell, “goal!” Crosby was perfectly content in the carrier, even as I bent down to pick berries. The strawberries were delicious and we shared them with my mom and maw.

We had a fun day swimming at Maw’s pool. It didn’t get warmer than 75 degrees but the kids swam until their lips turned purple. Wells hit the weight requirement for his puddle jumper (it’s blue with a shark on it) but he won’t trust the float. My mom held him in the pool all the while wearing the puddle jumper. Millie swam all around with her puddle jumper on and even floated on her back. Wells tried jumping into the baby pool but the bottom was incredibly slippery (last year Maw slipped when getting into it). He landed his jump but his feet slid from under him. He hit his head on the edge of the baby pool and we watched for concussion symptoms all night.

Millie had no interest in Taylor’s (my step-mom’s, granddaughter’s) softball game. Instead of watching, Millie spelled her name in the dirt with little sticks. Wells found larger sticks and played, “swords” with whoever would swing them around. After the game, we went to the Columbus Arts Festival and got the kids snow cones, pretzels, and lemonade. Millie saw her dance teacher and spun the prize wheel at her company’s stand. She won free tickets to the Nutcracker! Both kids rolled down the hill by the river with my dad. It was a good day.

Week two of summer vacation started off rainy. We played board games; Hi Ho Cherry-o and Candy Land. Millie started VBS at our church, that was cowboy themed, so I got her a new pair of boots to wear. She was so happy to see many of her friends from school. Each day they read scripture and prayed about trusting God in difficult situations. On her last day of VBS, Chris asked her what she learned and she said, “A lot and nothing.” VBS family night included songs (and dances) of praise, bounce houses, and a petting zoo that had a zebra. Millie was not scared to go down the big, blowup slide. The kids met a police officer and sat in the driver’s seat of a cruiser. My favorite part of the night was Wells doing the “cowboy dance” in the middle of the aisle. It was awesome to see both kids having fun while worshipping the Lord.

Wells continued to go to speech therapy twice a week. Since Crosby’s birth, in March, Chris has been taking Wells to his speech appointments. Wells is working on the f, c, s, sh, g, and t sounds. The toughest part of therapy is making sure Wells doesn’t fall asleep on the car ride there! When he wakes up from his car nap, he is not happy and the first ten minutes of therapy are useless. His therapist, Jody suggested that we only have appointments once a week instead of our usual twice a week. I was not keen to this notion as aggressive speech therapy is the best way to help with his Apraxia. People who hear Wells speak, continue to praise him for his hard work and how well he is sounding.

Millie received a birthday party invite from a friend in her pre-k class. It was held at the play place at our church. It was very much a “little girls” party; pink, sparkly, unicorns and rainbows. When a new girl would come through the door, the girls would run, scream, and hug each other. Millie wanted me to go with her in the play area but my gosh, it smelled like dirty feet. Still, I gratefully followed her because one day, she might not want mom to be there with her at parties.

On the same day that Millie had her friend’s birthday party, we had our cousin Lily’s 7th birthday celebration at Chuck E. Cheese. This was the first time my kids had ever been there and the first time Chris or I had been in over 20 years. There wasn’t a ball pit or jungle gym like we remembered; it was completely modernized with Kidz Bop projected on the wall and swipe cards instead of tokens. Millie and Wells played shooting games, rode on a small carousel, got into a machine that dumped balls on their heads, and rolled a ball that made a monkey eat bananas. Wells’ favorite part was the shark projected on the floor; he ran around trying to stomp on the fish. Millie ate three pieces of pizza with the cheese off. Both kids had a great time.

We rarely make it over to the East side of town so after the birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese, we took the kids to the outdoor mall. They were impressed with the life-sized, Lego giraffe and Lego Barbie creations. They both laughed when the stone frogs would spit water in the outdoor fountain. Wells wanted to take the coins out (he almost fell in). We took Millie to the American Girl store and she was so excited. Chris didn’t like being there however, my inner child was just as excited as Mill. She knew exactly what she wanted to get – the bitty, bitty baby from the Christmas catalog. She got the baby and a new pair of shoes for her doll, Kit.

After treating Millie, we went to Build-A-Bear for Wells. He had never been before. He chose a great white shark with a huge head. He threw it on the ground; mad. He said, “It’s flat!” He didn’t understand that he was going to get to stuff it. We looked through the different sound bites but we landed on puppy noises so that he could be, Shark-dog. We’ve been reading the Sharkdog books from the library. Chris and I were so impressed that the lady helping with the stuffing understood Wells when he said and spelled his name. Millie and Wells both put hearts in Sharkdog. The joy on Wells’ face was everything.

The weekend before Father’s Day, Chris and his dad took Millie and Wells to Home Depot to do a Kids Workshop activity. They wore orange aprons, painted, and had a lot of fun assembling table top putting greens. (During which I got some quiet, alone time with Crosby.) For Father’s Day, Millie gave Chris a mug that she picked out that said, “Dad Joke Pro” and he loved it. We went to church and the kids danced in the Praise House to the Cowboy Dance song; Wells is obsessed and his lasso moves are the best. After church, we spent the day with Chris’ parents, watching the Navy’s Blue Angels fly right above the rooftop. The Air Show was held in Columbus for the first time in over two decades and you could see the flights from my in-laws house. Neither kid was particularly interested in the air show; they were busy playing with badminton rackets. We ate a dairy-free, chocolate cake that Millie helped me bake and the kids fell asleep on the car ride home.

It rained everyday for the remainder of June. We did in-door activities to pass the time. We decorated cookies; Wells decorated blue dinosaurs and Millie decorated pink, sparkly tiaras. They were both most interested in eating the sprinkles. We created pictures using dot stickers, played with sensory bins (cornflakes and construction vehicles), sent cards to family members, built houses with magnet tiles, and read lots of books.

The kids were so excited to have a getaway weekend with Grandma and Grandpa. We planned to show them the Arc Encounter, the Newport Aquarium, and the Cincinnati Zoo. Unfortunately, the night before we were set to leave, Wells threw up and had diarrhea. I was really worried because his vomit was black and everything I found on Google said that could be a sign of internal bleeding. I called the pediatrician in the morning and she reassured me that the color was because of the amount of black food he ate (Oreo-O’s, black beans, Oreo cookies). She said that his symptoms sounded like a gastro-virus that would run it’s course within 72 hours.

Even though Wells was feeling under the weather, he still wanted to go on the trip. We packed up my in-laws new Expedition and drove to Kentucky. During the car ride, we found that Bob Marley’s, Three Little Birds, soothed Crosby when he would fuss; it was instantaneous. Millie practiced her sight words with Grandma in the third row. Wells slept.

At the Ark Encounter, the kids were scared of the sounds inside the exhibit and they did not want to look at the wax animals. Their favorite part was the playground. Wells said, “Thank you, Mommy for taking me here.” He led me through a maze, we raced, and we went on the see-saw together. I was super proud of Millie because she went on both zip-line rides (something she was too scared to try last year). Wells stayed hydrated by eating ice chips but by the time we got to the car, his temperature was 102.

We drove an hour to Cincinnati and checked into our hotel. We had an awesome view of a clock tower and we were on the same floor as the grandparents. We weren’t there 10 minutes before we changed into our bathing suits and went to the in-door pool. The water was the perfect temperature for Wells. It was the first time that Wells trusted his puddle-jumper and floated on his own! I sat on the steps of the pool, holding Crosby, and watched Chris swim and have fun with Millie and Wells. It was a beautiful time.

For dinner, we went to the hotel restaurant (they had an excellent soft pretzel). Wells ate a single french fry and threw it up later. Wells had a difficult night; fever and diarrhea. Crosby slept wonderfully for his first night away from home; he slept between me and Millie. Mill moves around in her sleep so I had to be mindful of how close she was getting to Crosby throughout the night. At one point, she hit her head on the headboard (it was really loud).

Morning came quick. We packed, ate pop-tarts, and loaded into the car on the way to the Newport Aquarium. Wells enjoyed looking at the different frogs; brightly colored poisonous frogs, big-eyed frogs, and frogs that stuck to the glass. Millie colored fish pictures with our initials on them with Grandpa. The fish were projected onto a digital screen. Both kids were super brave and walked across a tightrope bridge suspended over a tank full of sharks!

Before we went to the Cincinnati Zoo, we had lunch at an inner-city Skyline restaurant. The atmosphere was awesome and it was surrounded by brightly painted shops and a beautiful fountain. We went to the zoo and saw the hippos, Fiona and Fritz. Fiona was such a ham, kissing the glass and we saw Fritz kiss his daddy; it was so sweet. We got to see a tiger taking a bath, a snow leopard moving around the enclosure, and little lizards running around everywhere (I didn’t realize Ohio had lizards). Before we left, we stopped at the gift shop. Millie got a tie dye baseball hat that said, Fiona and Wells got a squishy ball in the shape of a shark.

July 4th was a special day. We had my mom and Maw over, Shauna, and Chris’ family, too. We ate and played corn hole. Once it got dark, we lit sparklers – Wells didn’t want to hold one; he tried on Memorial Day and didn’t like it. Millie did cartwheels in the yard while we watched the fireworks over the trees. Mawmaw lit Millie’s room with neon light sticks and the kids slept together through the sound of patriotic booms.

Millie would work on sight words at the breakfast table while Wells ate blueberry waffles (two, cut up, with butter on them, and syrup on the side). For every book that Mill read independently, she would get to add a pom-pom ball to her book worm, Maws idea, and she named it, Dotty. The word “the” gave her the most trouble. She could never remember it. Wells knew some sight words before the end of the summer; a, I.

Before lunch, we would play on the back patio in the baby pool and water table. The magnetic water balloons were the kids’ favorite toy this summer. They would trap their toys in the water balloons and throw them. Crosby got a water balloon to the cheek once – he’s a tough guy and didn’t even notice. Wells threw a water balloon at the back door at the same time that Chris was opening the door to ask me a question. Water got all over the hardwood floor but all we could do was laugh. It felt like heaven as Crosby slept on my chest, while I watched Millie and Wells water the flowers. Then, a fight would happen over the watering cans and I would heat up chicky nugs.

Dru and Uncle Nick wanted to take the kids putt-putting. This was their first time playing putt-putt golf. Millie of course, chose a pink ball. I was super impressed with how well she was lining up her shot and swinging the club. Wells mostly just ran all over the green. There were some arcade games in the lobby and Millie wanted to try the claw machine. She was impatient and hit the release button right over the drop shoot. She was devastated she didn’t win a toy (We explained to her that those games are rigged anyway). After the tears, we went out to eat at a Mexican restaurant and found out that Mill really loves chips and salsa (she still doesn’t like tomato’s though, she thinks they’re squirty).

Millie was invited to an open house at her ballet studio for a dance exploration event. Chris took her and I stayed home with the boys. We both got the start time wrong so she was there almost an hour early however, Millie was able to have one-on-one time with instructors and older ballerinas in the company and was able to take pictures with them in their performance costumes. She was most excited about the ice-cream truck that came at the end. Chris said she did a really great job.

Wells had a good experience at his first dentist appointment! He watched Millie go before him. The tech gave him a pair of Spider-Man sunglasses to wear and she didn’t turn on her head lamp due to Wells’ eye sensitivity. I remembered to prepare him about the chair moving (I forgot with Millie). His cleaning didn’t last longer than five minutes and we found out that he didn’t have any cavities! I was nervous, the boy loves his sweets.

Both boys had an appointment with Children’s ophthalmology. Mawmaw came with us. Unfortunately, Crosby has the same genetic syndrome that Wells does and after the examination, it was confirmed that he has stage 1 dry eye. Wells allowed the cornea specialist to look into his eyes instead of squeezing them shut like he’s done in the past. I was so proud of Wells for doing a good job at this appointment that I took him to a trampoline park for a thirty minute jump. He would run across the trampolines and it looked so funny; his torso stayed still while his little legs moved so quickly.

The KidzBop Live Tour came through Columbus and we bought tickets because Mill is obsessed. She was pumped to be going to this concert; I let her pick out her outfit. She completed her look with a unicorn bow and a fuzzy, fanny-pack. The concert was held at the fairgrounds. Waiting in line to get in, I ran into a teacher friend and a current student of mine. I was wanded before entry and Wells was insistent on being scanned too. He was so observant; he held out his arms and turned around just like he saw me do. The whole fam went to this concert, including Crosby with his headphones. We arrived early enough to eat a funnel cake before the show. Millie was bummed only 4 kids performed. A little girl sitting in front of us shared beaded jewelry with Mill. I bought Mill a tour shirt and Wells a hat. We left shortly after intermission- it was hot and loud. Their new KidzBop attire read, “KidzBop Never Stop” and we had fun on the car ride home changing the last word of that slogan. Wells’ was my favorite, “KidzBop never poops”.

My best friend Lindsey invited us to spend a long weekend at Posey Lake in Hudson, Michigan with her and her family at her grandmothers lake house. Millie had been asking to go to the beach all summer so she finally got her chance to play in the sand. Wells pretended to give me ice-cream cones made out of sand. I was very impressed with how much Millie wanted to be in the water. It was awesome to see her and Chris play together in the lake; he would jump off the dock and she would score him. He taught her to close her mouth when waves came. We took pontoon rides around the lake and spotted turtles sunning on logs. Both Millie and Wells got to drive to boat with Lindsey’s help. We made s’mores at night; Millie liked her s’mores with a Reese Cup (it’s amazing that they make plant-based chocolate bars). Chris, Crosby, and I slept in a full sized bed while Millie and Wells slept in their sleeping bags on the floor. While we were sleeping on the first night, Wells managed to get his head stuck under the bed. I think the kids’ favorite part was jumping on the trampoline with Logan and Ben.

When we got home from the lake, our pet fish Shark had gone belly up. He wasn’t floating at the top but he was gone. We had an inclination that the ammonia levels were too high (I had been over feeding him and I didn’t know that could be an issue). Chris and I discussed what to do and we thought it best to be honest with the kids about what happened to Shark. We explained that Shark’s water made him sick and that he was dead. Wells was very upset; he cried. He cried when we buried him in the backyard under the pine tree. We all decorated the box Shark was buried in and we put his favorite plant in with him. Wells cried the next morning when he couldn’t feed him. It was incredibly sad. We decided that we will get another fish but not quite yet. Wells already decided that our next fish’s name will be Shark Junior.

The kids really wanted to go to the Ohio State Fair to ride on rides since they didn’t get to go on any when we were there for the Kidz Bop concert. My Dad agreed to help me take them. It was the hottest day ever. Millie was too scared to go on the roller coasters with Papa but they went into the FunHouse together. While they did that, I paid a man behind the darts counter to let Wells win a prize; to my surprise, Wells popped two balloons with the darts and he won a blue lemur! My Dad took both Mill and Wells on their first Ferris wheel ride; they were very brave. I took the kids through a Spider-Man maze (I almost slid into Mills back going down the slide). We shared a lemonade, French fries, corn on the cob, and a giant pickle.

We moved the kids’ rooms! Millie was moved into what was the guest room, Wells moved into Mills old room, and Crosby finally got a space of his own, in Wells’ old room. Millie’s new room is attached to the bathroom, which we felt was fitting as she’s the only girl sibling. Millie’s room was inspired by Sawn Lake. She has pink walls and lily pad curtains. There are ornate, brass details; her lamp, curtain rod, and side table pulls. She loves the space and it was fun giving her a “big girl” room. Wells is out of his crib and in a toddler bed. It was an adjustment encouraging him to stay in his bed through the night. Sharks are everywhere; a shark jaw bone, shark blankets, and hanging shark decor. Crosby is using Wells’ crib. I created his name sign for above his crib and Little Bear decor.

Sending Millie off to Kindergarten was easy because she was so ready. I was proud to send her to school with the knowledge she already had and the faith of how much she would learn. Going back to school myself was not so easy. Crosby was refusing the bottle and it was stressing me out. Chris was able to use his last weeks of paternity leave to watch Crosby while I started back to work. He was able to push through while Crosby learned that Mama was going to be gone for many hours during the day. Like the doctors said, if he gets hungry enough, he’ll take the bottle. After 3ish weeks, it was a non issue.

Some of my favorite summer highlights;

– Millie holding a tarantula

– Wells and I chasing after the bunny who feasted on my petunias

– Chris and Crosby surprising me at work on my birthday

Summer came and like that, it was over. It always goes by so fast. Those cheesy sayings, “Time flies when you’re having fun.” or “The days are long but the years are short.” are infuriating because they are absolutely correct. I swear, having three kids speeds up the time even more. I’m already thinking ahead to next summer – Crosby will be walking, Millie will have a year of school under her belt, and Wells will be getting ready to start pre-k. Until then, they’ll grow and I’ll continue dreaming of summer.

Baby

Jackhammers

by motheringmillieLeave a Comment on Jackhammers
Jackhammers

Blue balloons welcomed us home; it was Saturday. Millie and Wells both had special stuffed animals to give to their baby brother. A nurse at the hospital gave us stickers, “big sister” and “big brother”; they were so proud. They both took turns holding Crosby and kissed him on his head. I felt so good to be home.

To make sure Crosby was eating enough through the night, we supplemented with the soy-based formula from the hospital, in addition to my breast milk. He was lethargic from being jaundiced and didn’t want to wake to eat. My milk had finally come in; I was pumping at least 3oz of white, thin milk every session. We made an appointment with the pediatrician for Monday morning for a weight check.

We were unable to book Crosby’s appointment with our regular pediatrician because her schedule was full so we had to see another doctor in the practice whom we didn’t know. When we were checking Crosby into his appointment, the receptionist asked if we had been exposed to Covid in the last ten days. I was honest and told her that I was currently Covid positive (I should’ve lied). We waited a long time before the doctor’s assistant came out to inform us that I could not go back into the room with Crosby; I was told that I could go to my car and they would put me on speaker phone for the visit. Oh heck no. I said, “It has been five days since I tested positive for Covid. If I wasn’t on maternity leave, I’d be expected to go back to work today and teach 500 children. Why can’t I be in the room, masked, with my newborn?” The aide came back after speaking with the doctor and said I was allowed to go back into the room with Crosby.

The medical assistant stretched Crosby out on the table and measured him an inch shorter than what he was measured at the hospital. He shrunk? My emotions were already heightened from the debacle in the waiting room and now I definitely had an attitude. We took off Crosby’s clothes to weigh him and found that he had lost more weight since leaving the hospital. How? I couldn’t believe it. I felt so defeated. The doctor came in and immediately told us that we needed to take Crosby to Nationwide Children’s Hospital to run some tests because he was concerned that Crosby could have brain damage from the lack of nutrition. I got defensive, “My milk just came in. I’m going to take him home and feed him even more. We do not need to go to the hospital for testing.” The doctor told me that if I did not take Crosby to the hospital that he would call Children Services. With that, I started to cry, like ugly, gasping, desperate cry. The doctor asked to examine Crosby. He took one look at his umbilical cord and said, “You’re not only going to the hospital for his weight loss but I am calling the ID unit, Crosby has an infected umbilical cord.”

Omphalitis is an infection of the umbilicus and/or surrounding tissues, occurring primarily in the neonatal period. It is a true medical emergency that can rapidly progress to systemic infection and death, with an estimated mortality rate between 7 and 15 percent.

The doctor left the room to call the hospital to let them know to prepare a room. I was an emotional wreck; how did this happen? Chris and I both noticed that Crosby’s cord site looked different than Millie’s and Wells’ did, but we didn’t know it was from an infection. We felt like failures for not realizing something was wrong. Thankfully, while the doctor was away, our regular pediatrician came in to see us. She reassured me that I was doing everything right in regard to breastfeeding. She told us that if weight loss was the only issue, she’d send us home but she looked at his umbilical cord and agreed that we needed to get it looked at by the infectious disease doctors at the hospital. She explained that the umbilical cord is a direct portal to his insides and that we needed to treat the infection, quickly.

We rushed home and I packed a bag for me and Crosby. I had just cleaned out my hospital bags. I never expected to be packing them up again. When we checked in at the hospital, the receptionist gave Crosby a toucan chime-toy to hang on his car seat. It was a far walk to the infectious disease unit – probably too long for someone who had just given birth days before. Once we were in our room, a nurse came in and took vitals from Crosby. A resident doctor took pictures of Crosby’s umbilical cord site. It was decided that Crosby would be put on antibiotics for a possible infection. If the redness and swelling of the site went down, we’d know that the medicine was doing it’s job. We were warned that if Crosby were to have a drastic fluctuation in body temperature, they would have to perform a spinal tap. I prayed to God that a spinal tap would not be necessary.

Two nurses came to administer Crosby’s IV. They couldn’t find a vein in his little arm. It felt like an eternity that I sat and listened to my 5lb baby boy scream. Tears soaked my face mask. The blood they eventually were able to draw, clotted. I came up out of my chair. I asked, “How?” The nurse said, “It happens.” and continued to reassure the younger nurse that she was doing a good job. I said, “Doing a good job is keeping the blood viable from my son. You should be moving it!” When they were finally done taking multiple vials of blood, they capped the IV and swaddled him tight so that he couldn’t pull it out.

My face was so swollen from crying and Crosby was exhausted from crying. It was getting late and Chris and I decided that he would go home for the night to be with Millie and Wells. Chris helped me figure out how to order dinner. I set up my “bed” on the squeaky recliner chair next to Crosby’s metal crib. Chris didn’t want to leave me and Crosby. He said that leaving us in the hospital was the hardest thing he’s ever had to do.

I was trying to breastfeed but feeling so self conscious about how much I was getting so I was also pumping (which was not coming easily with the stress). I was asked to label my bottles and call the nurse anytime I pumped or needed the milk from the fridge. Every diaper that came off Crosby had to be weighed. We went through three swaddles that night; he peed every time I’d change his diaper. Between diaper changes, feeds, IV antibiotics rounds, and vital checks, I did not get any sleep. Around 3 am, Crosby felt cold to the touch. I frantically called the nurse and she checked his temp, which was normal, praise God. They found Crosby a baby hat and I watched the Elvis movie.

At 7am, the jack hammering started. Construction was taking place below our room. I couldn’t have slept if I wanted to. Chris came back just in time to hear from the doctors during their morning rounds. From what they could tell, Crosby’s umbilical site seemed less inflamed. His cultures had not grown. They told us that if he stayed on this trajectory, we could possibly go home at the 24 hour mark. With that good news, I was finally able to catch a few hours of sleep.

At the 24 hour mark, the doctors hadn’t come back in to speak with us. We asked our nurse if going home was still on the table and she told us, no. Every test resulted in Crosby responding well to the antibiotic and we were given no reason other than “further observation” for making us stay another night. I voiced that the hospital wanted us to stay because they could charge our insurance 10k a night for the room (a room with a squeaky chair and construction noise). If we chose not to stay, we’d have to sign a release saying we were leaving against the doctors wishes and in turn, our insurance might not pay for the services we received. We decided to stay for “further observation”.

We FaceTimed with the kids so that they could see Crosby and me. It was devastating telling them we weren’t coming home yet. Then the thoughts of never bringing Crosby home crept in and I couldn’t stop crying. I needed my kids, and sleep, but that I night I wouldn’t have either. Chris left to be with the big kids and I turned on some movie with J-Lo.

I was wearing a pad the length of my arm. My “bed” sheets kept slipping off the back of the second, squeaky chair. I was expected to log all feeds (which was incredibly difficult because once fed, Crosby would sleep on me and I was afraid that moving would wake him). Nurses were in and out of the room every two hours doing vital checks. IV antibiotics were administered every 8 hours which meant a 2AM beep and flush. I should’ve been drinking more water. All this to say, when the lactation consultant showed up in the morning, I was miserable to her. She wanted to weigh Crosby before and after a feeding and I yelled at her to get out. It was his infection that was making him lose weight, not my breast production. I was an emotional wreck and the jack hammering continued through morning rounds.

When the doctor came in, she saw that I was distressed. She was super comforting and reassured me that Crosby was getting better and stronger. She agreed that his swelling was lessening and that he was responding well to the treatment. Chris came in during her examination and we both exhaled when she told us that we would be discharged before noon. A nurse explained to us the schedule of his medicine and how much to give him. She told us that it would be most pleasant for Crosby if we gave him the medicine with him sitting up for 15 minutes. We were instructed to go to the pediatrician the next day for another weight check and exam. Before we left, I gave the nurse our left over meal cards for another family to use during their stay.

The pediatrician told us that because of the trauma to the umbilical cord site, Crosby could have a herniated belly button. If he does, he could need surgery before he turns five to correct it.

I desperately wish I could “re-do” Crosby’s first week in this world. We will never know how Crosby got an infected umbilical cord; could’ve been a nurse, the aide who bathed him, the doctor who circumcised him, even me.

Baby

Baby No. 3

by motheringmillieLeave a Comment on Baby No. 3
Baby No. 3

Chris and I celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary and four weeks later received a belated gift – we were pregnant. I told Chris by leaving clues around the house however, he was not thrilled by the news. (We had just come to the decision that we were going to wait another year before trying again…whoops.)

I did not tell our family until after the 8 week ultrasound and honestly, their reactions weren’t what I was expecting; my father-in-law said to Chris, “Come here and let me slap you.” My brother said, “Don’t you know about condoms?” My grandma said, “I’m never babysitting for you on your anniversary again.” All joking aside, it was incredibly disheartening.

Because we weren’t trying to get pregnant, I was anxious about what I did and did not do, not knowing I was pregnant. I wasn’t taking folic acid or a prenatal. I had been in a hot tub. I drank alcohol. My OB reassured me that everything would be okay and that I didn’t “mess up” the baby.

Chris and I celebrated my 30th birthday in Chicago while my in-laws watched Millie and Wells. This was the first time I had been away from Wells over night. We FaceTimed and bought the kids souvenirs. To my surprise, I didn’t feel nauseous at all and we did tons of walking, went on a skyscraper tour, sat in the sun, went to two concerts, and ate lots of different foods – zero illness or fatigue. It was a great trip.

A week after Chicago, the sickness set in. The OB recommended a vitamin and sleeping pill concoction to ease the nausea however, I didn’t feel comfortable taking it. Sleeping came easy and actually helped the nausea; I would be asleep in bed by 9pm. Wheat Thins, grapes, and unsweetened tea were my nutrition. Brushing my teeth and clearing my throat were the worst; I’d throw up every time.

I swore this baby was a girl; I was super sick when I was pregnant with Millie but not Wells. Chris and I decided that we were not going to find out the gender of this baby. Having a girl and boy already, we would be prepared either way. Many people were supportive of our wanting to be surprised. Our OB said that less than 5% of his pregnant patients wait to find out the gender. We were excited to give ourselves such a big surprise.

Like clockwork, at 14 weeks, I was no longer sick. I began taking one baby aspirin every night to best deter the preeclampsia I experienced with Millie. My newest ailment was a clicking in my lower back, which my OB called sciatic nerve pain. (I found out later that this was actually my SI joint.) It clicked the worst at night, going up and down the stairs, or if I was doing housework. I started going to a chiropractor that specialized in pregnancy adjustments and this seemed to help for about a week at a time.

We didn’t tell Millie and Wells about the pregnancy until they started to notice. Wells would smack my stomach and say, “Big, big belly.” Millie noticed when I picked her up from school one day and I was wearing a form fitting dress. She said, “Is there a baby in there?” Millie and Wells were both excited when we told them they would have a new sibling in March. Millie wanted the baby to be a girl and Wells of course, wanted the baby to be a boy. On the way to ballet one Saturday morning, Millie said from the backseat, “Mommy, let’s talk baby names. I like the name Cora.” Wells liked the name William (Baby Shark’s fish friend) and Catboy. We gravitated to calling the babe, New Baby.

At our 20 week ultrasound, we found out that the baby’s legs were measuring in the 7th percentile. We were concerned so the OB scheduled another ultrasound at 26 weeks to make sure the baby was developing appropriately. (At 26 weeks the baby’s femoral length was in the 14th percentile and the OB was not concerned.) I was struggling to connect with this pregnancy because I couldn’t call the baby by name. We decided to do a 3D ultrasound so that I could see the baby’s face. Millie and Wells came to this appointment with us. This baby was so cute and looked so much like his/her siblings.

Third trimester was rough. My hips ached, especially in the mornings, I had so much pelvic pressure, and I was peeing every hour. At 33 weeks, my ankles and feet got really swollen. I was instructed to go to labor and delivery to get preeclampsia blood panels drawn. Thankfully, everything came back normal and I was able to go home. The doctor on call had four children herself and gave me some advice on how to make it through the duration of my pregnancy. She recommended that I sleep on a wedge pillow instead of on my left side. Fortunately, my grandma had a wedge pillow that I could borrow and within two nights of using it to sleep, keeping my hips straight and not collapsed on each other, my hip and pelvic pain reduced significantly. This doctor also recommended pelvic floor therapy because she was confident I’d have a uterine prolapse in my future…terrifying. When I told this to my OB, he disagreed with her and said there was no validity to her statement. Only time will tell.

We celebrated Wells’ third birthday with a great party. Family and friends came and most everyone commented on how “big” I was. “You didn’t look this huge the last time I saw you!” and “You’re as big as an elephant.” and “Sit down. You’re making people feel bad.” and “You’re ready, aren’t you?” and “If you get any bigger, you’ll pop!” It’s bizarre how pregnancy gives people the freedom to speak upon another’s body. All I wanted to do was throw an awesome birthday party for Wells – no attention on my body or the new baby.

After Wells’ party, my schedule was free to welcome the new baby. Because we chose not to know the baby’s gender, I went through both Millie and Wells’ premie, newborn, and 0-3 month clothes and washed and organized them. Chris and I packed (and triple checked) our hospital bags, we set up childcare for Millie and Wells, I stocked the fridge, Chris set up the pack-and-play, all in preparation for the babe.

Two weeks after my first labor and delivery visit, my OB instructed me to go back in because of high blood pressure (140/95). My feet, ankles, and fingers were swollen. The back of my legs felt numb. I had gained 10lbs in a week. I developed a constant headache. Gestational hypertension had set in and my OB planned an induction for the day I hit 37 weeks. I was nervous, anxious, and excited all at once. While I was hooked up to the monitors, a nurse asked, “Are you feeling those contractions?” I thought I was just hungry. The monitor also showed two deviations in the baby’s heart rate. An ultrasound tech measured my amniotic fluid – all normal. I was told to report back to labor and delivery if my BP was higher than 160/110. I was to check my BP three times a day and elevate my feet as much as I could. I was released for the night with an invitation to come back the next week.

My last day at work was bitter sweet; I would definitely miss my students. My colleagues gave me good luck wishes but it wasn’t until I was asked, “Are you nervous? Giving birth is scary.” that it kicked in that I was leaving to have a baby. I started to tear up because with that one question, I felt seen. I was nervous. Yes, this was my third pregnancy but every delivery is different. The night of my induction, I procrastinated going to the hospital because of my nerves. At 12:30AM, Chris and I went to labor and delivery to start the induction.

Because of the time of my induction, the main hospital doors were no longer open and we had to enter through the emergency room doors. We were scanned and all our bags were searched. (Two hospital bags, my purse, my camera bag.) When we got up to the labor and delivery floor, we could tell they were working with a skeleton crew because it took at least ten minutes for anyone to check us in. When someone did come to enter my information, it was a elderly woman who struggled to type. I was hot, nervous, and getting increasingly anxious so I sat down in a wheel chair for the rest of the intake.

Almost an hour after we arrived, a nurse finally came into the delivery room. She was old and seemed completely clueless to the situation so naturally, my blood pressure started to elevate. She asked, “Why are you in today?” Are you kidding? The BP monitor started to beep. Pointing to the flashing screen I said, “That’s why.” I was hooked up to monitors, my IV was inserted, my temperature was taken, and I was Covid tested. The nurse asked me if I knew how my OB wanted to start the induction. How was I supposed to know? I asked Chris to pull up my blog post about Wells’ delivery. We found that I started with a cervix ripening medication called, Cervidil. The nurse requested this of the resident doctor who then explained to us that they do not use Cervidil anymore. He said we could start on Miso, which I remembered taking with Mills delivery. He inserted the Miso, told me to get a mole examined by a dermatologist, and the contractions started.

Just as I started to dose off, the head nurse came into the room to tell me that my Covid test came back positive. You’ve got to be kidding me. That morning, I felt really tired, dizzy, and anxious but I chalked it up to the hypertension. I remember texting a coworker that I was experiencing my “monthly illness” from the snot-nosed kids that we teach, and she responded, “I hope it’s not Covid, it’s going around again.” That prompted me to take an at-home Covid test, which came back negative and set me at ease. That afternoon, I had an appointment with my OB and I mentioned to him that I was not feeling well. When he checked to see if I was dilated, I almost passed out. I took a nap when I got home and on the way to the hospital, I told Chris that I was feeling much better – praise God because birthing a child is hard enough when you’re healthy. I asked the nurse to give me another Covid test – there’s a chance it could’ve been a false positive, right? She tested me a second time and it also came back positive. My mind was racing; did Millie and Wells get this? Will my in-laws get Covid from watching the kids? Will I have to isolate from the baby? I started to cry. My baby was inside my Covid-positive body and I was going to have to deliver being riddled by the virus.

The nurse reassured me that the treatment I would receive wouldn’t be any different from any other patient because I was Covid positive however, there were protocols and rules the hospital required:

– Anyone entering the room would be in full PPE. Chris and I were encouraged to mask.

– In addition to Chris, I could only have one additional visitor for the duration of my stay; no birth photographer for this delivery, Mill and Wells couldn’t come to the hospital to visit, and I had to chose between my mom and grandma in the delivery room.

– Chris could not leave the room to get ice, water, coffee, etc.

The head nurse told us that 90 percent of women who give birth while Covid positive, do not pass the virus to their newborn; this was reassuring. The baby would be Covid tested during the routine newborn check. She was optimistic that having Covid while pregnant would have given the baby antibodies that would be helpful once they were born. I prayed the baby would not be born with Covid or contract it from me once they were here.

At five am, my cervix was rechecked. The Miso softened my cervix but I hadn’t dilated much more. If time wasn’t an issue, I would’ve had another round of Miso however, my OB was getting on a plane for Chicago that evening and I desperately wanted my OB to be there. He knows my history, calms my anxiety, and he’s great at making sure I don’t tear. The resident doctor was adamant that a balloon foley was our quickest option for further dilation. I was nervous about this method because I had never had it done before. With the balloon foley, I would also have a urine catheter and I knew that would only add to my discomfort. The doctor said he was fine with me getting the epidural before the insertion of both catheters so I wouldn’t have to feel either. I asked, “How long does an epidural last?” It can be effective for 18-24 hours. I needed to have the baby before 6pm if I wanted my OB to deliver so that gave me 12 hours. We had a plan.

A lady entered the room and introduced herself as the CRNA, Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist. She sat down and asked, “Are you in pain?” To which I replied, “Not yet.” She asked, “Why are we doing this epidural?” This question irritated me. Am I not paying thousands of dollars for this medicine? I went on to explain the rationale. Did she not discuss this with the doctor? She began to talk to me about first time mothers who are afraid of pain – I stopped her and said, “This is my third rodeo. I have given birth without an epidural but this time I am choosing not to. If you’d like to discuss this pain management plan with my doctor…” She changed her tune. “No no no.” She agreed to give me the epidural but told me it was going to be painful because she didn’t have the pains of the contractions to hide it in. I sat up on the side of the bed and prayed to God I wouldn’t be paralyzed.

The CRNA advised me to sit crisscrossed, if it was comfortable, while the epidural was administered. I told her I was an elementary school music teacher and sitting crisscrossed was second nature. Chris stood in front of me to my left and the nurse stood to my right. The numbing needle stung. Then came the pressure. It felt like the needle was tunneling it’s way into my body. We made small talk about her children’s piano lessons and the downtown construction. My right leg jolted out and I almost kicked the nurse. It was taking so long, why was it taking so long? Finally, it was over. A cold trickle ran down my back and within ten minutes, I was completely numb from the waist down.

The nurse inserted the urine catheter and the resident doctor inserted the balloon foley, both of which I couldn’t feel because of the epidural. At 12pm, the nurse tugged on the foley but it did not come out. An hour later, she pulled again, and the ballon popped right out; it was the size of a clementine and it dilated me to 5cms. At 2pm, the doctor broke my water with what looked like a crochet needle. When I couldn’t feel my water break, I began to feel anxious. I wanted the epidural to be less numbing. I felt so helpless; Chris and the nurse had to move my body on the peanut ball because I couldn’t lift my legs. I felt so heavy. The CRNA came in and instructed me that the medicine was working exactly how it should and even though I couldn’t feel my lower half, it was responsive.

My Maw rubbed my legs and Chris scratched my head. It was enough to calm me through the last centimeters of dilation. I told my nurse that I was feeling a lot of pressure in my rear so she checked my cervix and informed me that I was 10cms dilated. I felt glad. I felt ready. Before she called in the doctor, she asked me to do a practice push and as I pushed through my next contraction she said, “Okay, okay. Stop. Stop pushing.” The nurse got on her phone, “Room 105 is ready to push.”

The nurses were like a NASCAR pit crew; raising the bed, turning on the bright lights, gowning the doctor, all in preparation for the birth. I made small talk with my OB about the baby coming before his flight for Chicago. He said, “With your next contraction I want you to push.” I crunched my upper body towards my knees, bared down, and I heard him say, “slow, slow” but I couldn’t stop what was happening. My body was pushing the baby out. In one push, I felt the baby’s body leave mine. The doctor placed the baby on my chest and I heard my Maw ask, “What is it?” The nurse answered, “It’s a boy.” He was crying and soaking wet. “Happy Birthday, baby boy.”

Chris cut the umbilical cord for our third child. I was relieved to hear that I did not tear and my placenta came out in one piece. The nurse told me, “That was the most efficient labor I have ever seen.” My legs were starting to tingle as the epidural started to wear off; I welcomed that feeling over the anxiety I experienced with the numbness. I changed my gown and watched as the nurse examined the baby. The baby’s oxygen rate was low at first but after a minute of an oxygen mask nearby, it went to normal range. Chris was standing over him, talking to him, taking pictures, and telling me how beautiful he was. The nurse stamped the baby’s feet into the baby book. I noticed quickly that he had a gap between his first two toes like his father. The baby weighed 6lbs 9oz. He was brought back to me for skin-to-skin.

This sweet, alert, baby boy latched quickly. He held on tightly to his daddy’s finger. He passed his newborn checks and scored a 9 on the Apgar scale. He tested negative for Covid; thank you, Jesus. He cried while he was given his first bath but once we was all clean, he calmed and we were able to take pictures of him on the hospital bed in the same position as Millie and Wells when they were born. Everything was going perfectly until he lost 12% of his body weight.

After many visits with the lactation consultant, I agreed to supplement his feeding with donor breast milk while my supply was still coming in. I would feed him from the breast and then pump. While I pumped, he was fed the bottle of donor milk. After 24 hours of feeding this way, he gained a little weight back.

I desperately wanted to go home. I missed Millie and Wells like crazy. I also knew my milk supply would increase in the peace of my own space. The doctors were okay with us taking him home as long as we took formula with us as a means of supplementation. We agreed, signed the appropriate papers and headed home to introduce Millie and Wells to their new baby brother, Crosby James.

Baby

Wells’ Speech Part 2

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Wells’ Speech Part 2

Wells’ speech therapist’s contract was not being renewed by the Help Me Grow organization that Wells receives services. We were devastated to hear this because Wells had gotten comfortable with her. At our last session, she gave me a packet of information about a motor speech disability called, Apraxia. After working with Wells for six months, it was her professional opinion that I look into this with his next speech therapist. Huh? – I thought he was just a little behind…

Before meeting with his new therapist, I Googled Childhood Apraxia of Speech. I learned that it’s an uncommon disorder where Wells would have difficulty making accurate motor movements when speaking. In CAS, the brain struggles to develop plans for speech movement. With this disorder, the speech muscles aren’t weak, they just don’t perform normally because the brain has difficulty directing the movements. CAS is treated with speech therapy and the Help Me Grow program set Wells up with a speech therapist who has advanced training and expertise in Apraxia.

Jody, his new speech therapist, met with us to give Wells an evaluation. She heard the dropping of consonants, the inconsistency of speech patterns, and saw his frustration when we couldn’t understand what he was trying to say. She was quick to inform us that while CAS couldn’t be diagnosed until age four, Wells most certainly has a motor speech delay – something he won’t just grow out of. Therapy is the only treatment for CAS and we go two/three times a week.

When we repeat words how Wells pronounces them, back to him for example, “ickey” for Mickey, he tells us we’re saying it wrong. He knows how words are supposed to sound, he just can’t make his mouth do it. It’s heartbreaking to see him struggle. To speak correctly, Wells’ brain has to learn how to make plans that tell his speech muscles how to move his lips, jaw and tongue in ways that result in accurate sounds with normal speed and rhythm. He can make the “m” sound however, he cannot connect it so it sounds like “mmm” space “icky”.

In six months, Wells has mastered isolated consonant sounds “h”, “m”, “s”, “p”, “b”, “f”, “w”, and “sh” at the beginning of words. We are practicing those sounds with syllable combinations ie. “fa” and “moo”. Kinesthetic movements help Wells remember how to correctly manipulate his mouth. Right now, we are working on the word, “open”. He does not naturally put the “p” sound in the middle of the word. We practice by making a big, “o” with our arms and then move our hand under our chin like we’re blowing a kiss. When the words are broken down, Wells has more success.

Wells will no longer receive paid services through the Help Me Grow organization when he turns three. At three years old, children can receive disability services through their public school system (pre-k). We have decided to not enroll Wells in the pre-k program through our district. The school only offers a half-day service, four days out of the week and that does not work with our work schedules. To make sure Wells is supported with his speech needs, we will continue to see Jody and charge our health insurance for the visits.

Speech therapy at two years old : Wells often falls asleep in the car before we get to speech therapy. He runs down the hallway like Sonic, and counts the stairs when we leave. When he wears snow or rain boots, they often get in his way during floor activities so they usually get thrown off. Wells will randomly get into a yoga pose. If an animal is brought up, like a frog or bunny, he’ll act it out. It’s fun and I’m always proud of him.

parenting

Pre K

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Pre K

Mill could not start Kindergarten this fall because of her November birthday. I strongly believe she would have done absolutely fine with kindergarten curriculum however I knew she’d benefit socially from a preschool experience. We decided to enroll her at the private, Christian school closest to our home (it came with great reviews from neighbors and colleagues).

When I visited the school, I was impressed with what I saw; sight words on the walls, daily schedules, letter identification, bookcases of age appropriate books, and clean spaces. I think I was expecting pre-school to look like the daycare facilities we toured when she was younger but this was far from that.

Millie and I went to drop off her emergency medical information and the administrator allowed us to visit her classroom and meet her teacher. Summer classes were in session so when we got to the classroom, Millie was more interested in meeting the students rather than her teacher. They were working on a, “write the room” activity and Millie just joined in. I met with the teacher while she worked and played. When it was time to leave, Mill cried and asked why I didn’t sign her up for summer classes! She was so ready for school.

Getting school supplies for Millie was fun, pricey but fun. She wanted everything to be pink and sparkly; her backpack, her lunch box, her pencil pouch, you name it. We decided on a Barbie lunch box (that was big enough for both breakfast and lunch containers) a Skip-Hop preschool-sized backpack that looks like a koala, and a pencil pouch with a glittery butterfly. We filled her backpack with everything from her class list; glue sticks, safety scissors, colored pencils, crayons, skin-colored crayons, washable markers, and a paint set.

Dietary Needs: I was vegetarian when Mill was born and she was exclusively breastfed. After she’d eat, she’d projectile vomit, and her doctor told me to try limiting my dairy intake (cheese was three parts of my food pyramid). Chris also has a lactose intolerance so this change of diet benefited him as well. Four years later and veganism is our lifestyle. State law mandates that each child receive a milk (specially from a cow, 2% dairy) every day. To not have a carton of milk placed in front of my child, I had to have forms signed my Mill’s pediatrician stating she has a lactose intolerance and that she should be given water in place of milk. Oat and soy milk are allowed however, Millie doesn’t drink either.

Included in the weekly price, her school provides breakfast, lunch, and snacks. I highlight the monthly menu with the foods Millie can eat – apple sauce, tomato soup, carrot sticks, etc. I still pack her breakfast, lunch, and two snacks to ensure she has plenty of food to eat during the day. I also pack a small, daily joke card with her lunch because Mill is super into telling jokes lately. Her teacher reads it to her and she’d recite it back to me when she came home. Here’s some of her favorite lunches:

– left over pizza, grapes, cucumbers

– Pasta salad, peaches, dairy-free laughing cow cheese

– Sandwich (white bread, butter, and strawberry jelly) chips, apple slices

– Black bean and corn dip, tortilla chips, blueberries

The week before school started, I tried to best prepare Millie for pre-k. I made her lunch in the new containers so she could practice opening them. I created a schedule for her mornings and posted it on her closet door so that she would know the routine. I bought hanger labels with the days of the week on them so that we could pick out her outfits ahead of time. We read books about starting school. We took, “first day of school” pictures days before the actual first day of school so the first morning wouldn’t be so chaotic.

I was really anxious about Millie starting pre-k. Chris and I thought up worst case scenarios; what if she went into a bathroom stall and there was poop in the toilet? Would she know to pick a new stall? Would she try to flush it? Would she just hold herself? All the prepping in the world wouldn’t prepare her for every possible encounter she’d experience on her first day.

The night before Millie’s first day of school, I prayed with her as she laid in bed. Before I closed her door, I heard her say, “I can’t wait till I come home to celebrate your birthday mommy.” My heart melted. In the hustle and bustle of the new school year, I completely forgot about my birthday. She’s so incredibly thoughtful. I cried on the couch for the next 10 minutes about my baby (my early baby!) starting school. The next day, I turned 30 and Millie had her first day of pre-k.

Chris took Millie to school in the morning because I started back to work, my ninth year teaching. He said Millie told him that she was nervous which of course made me worry. When I picked her up from school at the end of the day, the nerves were gone. She told me she made a new boy-friend, Daxon, and her teacher said she had a great day. She even slept during nap time! When I told her that she’d be coming back the next day, she was excited.

I was so proud of Mill the day her teacher told me that she was so helpful to a new student. At four years old, her character is so kind. Everyday we received excellent reports on Millie’s work and behavior. They have a weekly special; art, gym, or music. She has learned about about the life cycle of a tree, how different color apples taste, the difference between warm and cool colors, Scripture, etc. Some days she’d come home with her hair styled different – she had the longest hair in her class so of course the other little girls play with it and the teachers!

So far this year, they have had a fall festival where the pumpkin patch came to their school and gave out pumpkins and doughnuts, a trick-or-treat event with the old folks home next door, the firemen did a presentation, and a reunion with a family who’s been apart because of active duty. We are so excited for their upcoming Christmas program. Millie has been practicing hard on the lyrics and the dance moves of both songs they’re performing.

More as she continues the school year!

Baby

Summer of 22

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Summer of 22

Adventures from June-August; kinda like a list, more like a diary entry. A post to remember this summer.

We kicked off the summer with a trip to Louisville, Kentucky. We were visiting friends, Kristin and Kyle (Wells’ Godparents), and planned to see a botanical garden along the way however, it poured down rain. We changed plans to an indoor adventure instead. We stopped at the Louisville Slugger Museum to see the worlds largest baseball bat. The ivy on the wall and the hall of fame stars on the sidewalk were super cool. Millie picked out a pack of Chicago Cubs baseball cards and Wells loved swinging his blue, souvenir bat. We stayed the night with the Merkle’s, where the kids loved playing baseball in the basement with Uncle Kyle, and in the morning we left for the Cincinnati Zoo.

We used our Wonderfold Wagon at the zoo. There were a lot of hills so Chris was the one doing the pushing. Many people complimented our wagon and asked us questions about it. Millie and Wells have the freedom to move around while also being safe; I love it and wish we would’ve bought it sooner. We fed the giraffes expensive pieces of lettuce, ate at the food court, and saw the sifakas jumping around. Both kids love Fiona, the premature hippo who’s basically a celebrity now that Cincinnati needed some positive press after the death of Harambe (R.I.P).

The next weekend we went strawberry picking. I was inspired by a friends Instagram story; I never knew Ohio had strawberry fields. Chris has fond memories of strawberry picking as a kid and both Millie and Wells love to eat strawberries so I figured this was something fun we could do as a family. We were given two buckets and were told the best area for the ripest strawberries. We were surprised by how small they were compared to the strawberries we buy from the store. Wells was not interested in picking but he was interested in eating them! He sat down in the strawberry plants and turned the caboose of his khakis, pink. Millie was not enthused about touching the berries, especially the over-ripe ones that felt “squishy”.

Unfortunately, both Millie and Wells started this summer with a nasty cold; the snot was never ending. We seem to catch every germ. We wanted to play with friends and explore new places but we also wanted to keep everyone safe. Monday, Wells took his first bath in the sink. While Chris and I attempted a tile reno, I sat Wells on the counter to play in the sink water. Before I knew it, Wells had sat in the sink, fully clothed. I stripped him down and let him play in the water. On Tuesday, we roasted marshmallows using our tabletop fire pit. Neither kid enjoyed the taste of burnt marshmallows. Wednesday, we went to the thrift store and bought a water table, two ladles, and a new bathing suit for Millie. Wells tried to feed me octopus soup! We had a great time playing outside and eating strawberries! Thursday we ran errands, Millie had a fever, Aunt Lindsey came over, and Grandpa came into town. Friday we went to the library and signed up for the summer reading program. Wells very clearly said, “library”. I am so proud of how hard he’s working to communicate.

Here were some of their favorite reads:

No Pants by Jacob Grant

1, 2, 3, Jump! by Lisl H. Detlefsen

Goldfish on Vacation by Sally Lloyd-Jones

The Flower Man a wordless book by Mark Ludy

June went by entirely too fast. The kids enjoyed finger painting, chalking, and bubble blowing. We saw lots of family members at my cousin Carson’s graduation party and afterward both kids got to order their own pizza from Mod (Millie says she won’t be putting cucumber on her pizza again). We went to Hobby Lobby to get a decorative welcome mat for my mom who just bought a condo in Ohio and while I pushed Wells in the cart, he scared an old lady who was passing by! He said, “Ah!” and pointed at her as soon as she turned down our aisle. He’s a rascal. My in-laws came to town and we went out to eat at BrewDog to celebrate the closing of their new home. (The kids are getting ready to have all of their grandparents in Ohio!) Millie ate a vegan hamburger meal and Wells ate a soft pretzel. Wells enjoyed playing ladder toss, outside, after the meal.

July started with COVID. I went to a worship concert, unmasked, and another woman I went with tested positive after, too. The worst part of it was we were sick during the Fourth of July and my cousin Donaven, who’s currently serving our country in the Navy, came home to visit. Thankfully, we still got to see him (from six feet away). The kids watched Red, White, and Boom on the T.V while eating banana splits in their sleeping bags. Our town set off fireworks at the local high school that we could see from our backyard, too!

We have season passes to the Franklin Park Conservatory and explored the children’s garden with Lindsey, Logan, and Ben. The kids enjoyed pushing the hula hoops down the hill, watching and performing puppet shows with mangy-looking puppets, playing restaurant with the plastic food in the mud house, and pretending like they were birds making a nest of sticks. Wells spent time at the koi pond watching the fish. He was fascinated by the toy train. Wells was apprehensive about wading in the sandstone creek and wouldn’t let go of my hand but he grew confident and explored on his own.

Food competitions are regularly watched in our home – we’re currently undertaking Master Chef. We decided to have a baking competition of our own. Millie, Wells, and I mixed the cupcake batter and of course, they licked the beaters. We’re vegan. No raw eggs were consumed. Mills were topped with hot pink icing and Wells’ were blue. Of course the icing stained their lips and teeth. I let them add sprinkles and we tasted both cupcakes. It was decided that Millie’s tasted better because her sprinkles were less crunchy than the ones that Wells used. The cupcakes were served on Mickey and Minnie Mouse plastic party plates that the kids wouldn’t let me not buy at the store.

I got the feeling like we weren’t doing enough with the kids this summer. (Now that I’m typing everything out I can see that was absurd and just my anxiety.) I think because last summer we spent a week at the beach – financially, that wasn’t in the plans this year, I still wanted to do something special. I looked for activities relatively close so that we could plan a day trip. I had friends go visit the Ark Encounter in Kentucky and really love it. Chris was on board with the trip so we left on a rainy, Saturday morning. What better weather to visit the Ark? The car ride was three hours long but the kids rode perfectly. We took Noah’s Ark books to read along the way and we ate Tim Hortons; they love the birthday sprinkled Timbits.

When we got to the Ark, we had to take a charter bus to get on location. Wells thought he was hot stuff getting to sit in his own bus seat. Millie was so excited to see the beautiful, bright rainbow arch (Gods promise) entering the complex. The Ark was insanely massive; bigger than I could’ve ever imagined (the dimensions are actually listed in the Bible). I thought the kids would be overwhelmed by the size but they were excited to see the different exhibits inside. Millie thought the ancient animals (wax models) in the cages were creepy.

There was a petting zoo on location with lots of goats. Millie did not touch the goats (I don’t blame her – poop pellets were everywhere.) We got to watch a live, animal show with a scorpion (which glows under a black light – who knew?) a sugar glider (which made us miss Cooper), and a pig named, Festus that the kids got in stuffed form at the gift shop on the way out. The buffet on location was delicious and super accommodating to our vegan diet. There was a really awesome playground but Amelia got knocked over and the fun was over. Both kids fell asleep as soon as they were strapped in their car seats and slept the entire way home.

The next week of summer vacation was packed with fun activities. Millie and Wells made crown crafts from the library and decorated them with gems and stickers. We went to the pool and Millie went under the water with MawMaw (she did not like it). We took a trip to the Columbus Zoo with my friend Katey and saw the elephant baby, Frankie for the first time (He was so fuzzy!). Uncle Nick’s girlfriend came to town and we all went out to eat at CapCity Diner; it was our first time eating there, they gave us a private room, and the food was delicious!

Our last weekend of July was spent in Ligonier, Pennsylvania with our friends, and Millie’s Godparents, Jane and Todd and their two children, Maisey and Luca. Of course Mille and Wells were excited about Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood but they were most anxious to see their friends. The night before we were supposed to leave, Wells tripped in his crocs while helping me water the neighbors flowers. I could tell by his cry that he was in a lot of pain. He wasn’t bearing any weight on his left foot. Immediately, I knew he could have a toddlers fracture. We let him sleep it off and examined him the next morning. He was putting weight on the injured foot but was still limping. We decided to go forward with our PA trip and keep him mostly in the stroller. If his foot got worse, we’d have no choice but to get it checked out.

To start our road-trip, we grabbed Tim Hortons and I entertained the kids by putting Mickey Mouse characters on Chris’ seat (it’s the little things). Once we got there and met up with our friends, we went to the water park and the girls immediately ran to the kiddie splash area. Maisey wasn’t afraid to put her head under the water but Millie wasn’t trying it. Maise ended up drinking a lot of the water and was sick later in the evening, poor girl. Wells and I ended up standing under a bucket that poured an intense amount of water on my back. We had a great time swimming together. Luca dirtied a diaper and we put on dry clothes to enjoy the amusement park.

We grabbed a soft pretzel and some lemonade before watching the end of a Daniel Tiger show. There was a meet and greet afterward with Katerina and Daniel – Wells stayed on my hip and Millie was just curious enough to wave to them from afar. We rode on Trolley through the neighborhood (Millie informed Maisey that all the characters were made out of cardboard) and the weather shifted. Just before the sky opened up, we ran back to the parking lot and managed to stay dry while it stormed the rest of the afternoon.

After a thirty minute drive, we checked into our hotel. We met up with Jayne, Todd, Maisey, and Luca for dinner at a restaurant called, Sharkys. Wells loved their aquarium and we loved the food. That night, we all changed into our pjs and played games in the hotel lobby. The kids exchanged gifts, colored My Little Ponies, played with clay, ate sprinkled popcorn, had a dance party; it was awesome.

In the morning, we shared a breakfast table with the DiMascio’s and said our goodbyes. We left for the Pittsburgh Children’s Museum where they had a Daniel Tiger exhibit. The exhibit was amazing; it looked just like the show had come to life. We saw some of the original puppets from Mr.Rodgers’ Neighborhood and Mr.Rodgers’ red sweater. Wells enjoyed building Daniels neighborhood with blocks. Millie added a leaf to the “thank you” tree. The kids loved the interactive clock shop and the musical radio.

The rest of the Pittsburgh Children’s Museum was also loads of fun for the kids. Millie climbed up a super tall rope web, they launched balls on a track with a pulley system, they made car ramps, and created a musical assembly line. Wells and I went into a room at an angle. I literally ran us both into a wall (my knee caught the brunt of it.) Millie loved playing with the sand art and Wells liked the seesaw that blew bubbles. We grabbed a snack at the cafe before we left; Wells loved the bite-sized pancakes. The yellow bridges leaving Pittsburgh were cool. We definitely will visit PA again.

August was a blur. I started to have back-to-school meetings and by the 22nd we were all in. I tried to make each day we had left together, special. We visited the Columbus Zoo with my dad; the kids always have a great time with Papa. He rode on the carousel and bought them blue and pink cotton candy. Wells tried to feed the baby gorilla popcorn and the baby fell backwards! It was so sweet. We went to the Ohio State Fair with Chris’ parents (Grandma and Grandpa), his brother (Uncle Nick), and my friend Shauna. Both kids enjoyed riding on the rides and eating pineapple whip! We even watched a pig race. We swam a couple more times at Mawmaw’s pool; Millie was brave and went down the water slide! At home, we made cement garden stones, played with modo (a fragrance free play-dough), baked banana bread, and completed craft kits.

For my 30th birthday, Chris took me to Chicago. This was the first time that I spent a night away from Wells and we were gone for more than 48 hours. Chris’ parents stayed at our house and we FaceTimed them often. Both kids slept well for them! I was so impressed. My babies are growing up and it’s hard to believe that they won’t stay 4 and 2 forever.