Managing Migraines

Managing Migraines

I’ve always hated bumper cars; I would drive around the edge of the raceway, as to stay clear of the congested middle. The steering wheel, violently shaking, was difficult to hold onto. WHAM! I was forcefully rear ended; stalked for the “bump”. My body jolted forward, my head ricocheted off the back, and I felt nauseous. This is exactly what has been happening inside of my head; bumper cars.

Light; crash! Noise; ouch! Touch; bam! Every sense was hypersensitive and I couldn’t focus. I didn’t have an appetite. I drank water and I ate salt; no relief. I took two ibuprofen and still, no change. I tried to sleep but was frequently interrupted to feed Millie. The pressure behind my eyebrows was difficult to ignore. I’ve never experienced headache pain like this before so this was new and unwelcome.

After waking up the next morning with an unsettling, dull ache beneath my skull, I made an appointment with my family doctor. My 20/20 vision was distorted from the intense pain and driving seemed dangerous. Thankfully, my grandma was able to drive me to my appointment as I rested my throbbing head.

I arrived at the doctors and was pleasantly surprised with the number on the scale. I was further impressed by my blood pressure, especially because eclampsia can occur after delivery and headaches can be a symptom. My lungs sounded fine and my heart murmur had subsided. After two neurological tests, I was told that I had been experiencing postpartum migraines. I immediately felt angry; yet another issue from pregnancy that I’ve never heard of. Postpartum migraines occur due to the hormonal fluctuations while breastfeeding; migraines can last for days at a time – great. I was instructed to lay in a dark room and stay on a regiment of ibuprofen; three pills, four times a day, with food. If I wanted to take migraine specific medication, I would have to pump-and-dump – not an option. I know others who dull migraines with caffeine however, because I don’t consume caffeine on a regular basis, my doctor did not think that caffeine would help me. I was instructed to go to the ER if the migraines got any worse. Thankfully, 48 hours later, the bumper cars subsided.

Preeclampsia, rupturing ovarian cysts, postpartum migraines; I’ll take it all as long as Millie is healthy. And praise God, she’s perfect.

Making Memories with Millie

Making Memories with Millie

Time is a thief; last week we celebrated Millie’s half birthday! She wore a pretty, smocked dress, attended church, and we ate dinner at Ruby Tuesday’s. Whenever we take her out, people are so complimentary of her behavior and beauty. She’s achieving every developmental milestone; reaching and grabbing, laughing, visually following, drinking from a glass, intentionally rolling over, sitting independently, etc. Needless to say, I’m a very proud mama.

We didn’t take Millie out of the house for her first three months of life, with the exception of her pediatric appointments. She was born six weeks early and during flu season, so we didn’t want to take any chances. Eighteen years ago, my baby brother was hospitalized and placed in a medically induced coma due to severe RSV; time stood still, my family was terrified, but by the grace of God, my brother lived through it. Needless to say, I did everything possible to guard my sweet angel from germs; masks were bought and worn, guests were limited, flu shots were mandatory, and hand sanitizer was within reach.

When we decided to venture out with Millie, we quickly learned that getting ourselves and the baby ready was not for the faint of heart. It took many tries before we made it out of the house on time and clean. Our first attempt failed miserably; Millie blew out a diaper worse than she ever had before; poop was up to her belly button and smeared all over her back. How did it get in her hair?! Thankfully, we had some wiggle room in our schedule for a quick bath, got her dressed in a new outfit, and cue chunky spit up – all over herself and me. We decided to stay home and try again another day. Our first successful outing was to church. My husband and I are musicians on the worship team so a family member graciously watches Millie whenever we are serving the Lord. I have still not utilized our church’s nursery. Our church has a beautiful nursing room where I am able to feed Millie and still hear the sermon; it’s comfortable and I’ve met many other wonderful moms there. On Mothers Day, Millie made it through an entire church service for the first time! What a gift!

Can’t we agree that taking pictures for Easter, at the mall, with an oversized rabbit is just weird? What do you even say to him once you’re on his lap? Feeling some societal pressure, I dressed Millie with a carrot headband for a quick pic with the bunny. The people manning the stand were very informative and patient when I asked questions; “Do you delete the pictures after we order? Can we drape a blanket over the bunny’s lap so she doesn’t have to touch the costume?” As we stood in line, enclosed by velvet ropes, I observed the children and their parents interacting with the rabbit; kids were crying as their parents were bribing for smiles. I quickly realized that the bunny pictures weren’t for us; I unclipped the velvet rope and left the line.

At Macy’s, I let my MIL push Millie in the stroller. Due to the amount of clothes draped over the front and her purse clipped to the handle, not to mention the diaper bag, the stroller tipped over from the weight imbalance. This startled Millie and woke her from her sleep. Luckily, she was still strapped into her car seat, which clips into the stroller, or she may have come flying out! You should have seen the faces of the women shopping around us; jaws on the floor. I froze. Who’s stroller was that? Once I realized that it was my child that was screaming, I grabbed her out of the seat and held her close; I spoke to her softly and she calmed down. Accidents happen and it was brushed off with a laugh; Praise God, she wasn’t hurt.

We are Columbus Zoo members and Millie has had two grand adventures there! On her first trip, she spent time with Gam (my mom) and saw the colorful flamingos, playful tiger cubs, an elephant, and a rhino! She loved looking at all the people. My mom took Millie into the gift shop where she smiled her no-tooth, heart wrenching grin at a stuffed tiger. Of course we came home with the tiger. Her second trip to the zoo was with my husband and me. We took her into the petting zoo; none of us touched the animals however, she got to experience them much closer than ever before. Millie was so intrigued by the goats! We spent time at the aquarium where she could watch the fish swim; it was the perfect place to nurse her as it was dark and air-conditioned. We will be going on many more zoo adventures!

My big sister, from Delta Phi Epsilon, married her soulmate! We were thrilled when the invitation read “3”. We didn’t want to interrupt the ceremony with a crying baby, so we joined the festivities at the reception and we were surprised to see so many other babies there. The golf course club house was beautifully decorated and there were many vegan options for us to eat. Mille was an angel; she curiously looked around and chewed on her Sophie Giraffe. When she needed changed, I was astonished to find that there was no changing table in the women’s restroom. I asked a staff member where I could change her, I wasn’t about to squat on the floor with my floor-length dress, and she informed me that the venue is currently being renovated but that she could set up a table for us in the women’s locker room. As I was leaving the locker room with a freshly changed baby, we ran into the blushing bride! We had an intimate moment together before rejoining the party. We were also able to return to that room numerous times during the evening to change and nurse in private.

We raised more than five hundred dollars for the March of Dimes and participated in their three mile walk for awareness! The weather was not what we had expected – cold and windy so I decided to wear to Millie, facing me, and she slept the entire walk. Carrying 15lbs while walking a brisk, three miles wasn’t easy however, neither is having a preterm baby. We walked among family, friends, NICU nurses, and strangers who bonded together for a worthy cause. I so appreciate everyone who helped to support us and the March of Dimes!

Millie has been to church, the doctors, the zoo, her Papa’s, two restaurants, a vintage market, downtown, her daddy’s work, my work, the mall, two stores, the photographers, friends’ house’s, and a wedding! We are preparing for a trip to see her grandparents in Virginia next month. See, I don’t keep her in a bubble!

Raising and Rupturing

Raising and Rupturing

Just when I thought that labor was the end of doubled over pain, cue ruptured ovarian cyst.

I delivered my beautiful baby, naturally. I dilated quicker than expected and therefore could not receive an epidural. People have asked, “What does natural, childbirth feel like?” Well, have you ever been set on fire? Labor was long, exhausting, and painful but I knew that when it was all over, I’d be able to hold my precious baby. I love my daughter and I’m so grateful that she is here and healthy however, the birthing experience is not something I look back on and smile.

Fast forward 14 weeks and I started back to work. For the sanity of my family, we maintain a strict, daily schedule. My Wednesday was interrupted when I felt a sharp, stabbing pain in my abdomen. I gasped, grabbed my gut, and leaned forward. Appendicitis? Cold sweats, dizziness, nausea – the pain wasn’t going away. I had to stop teaching, I didn’t want to pass out in front of my students! All too soon I found myself laying in a hospital bed, wearing a stylish gown, with my post-traumatic-delivery-anxiety triggered.

After I told the nurse that my left arm was best for IV insertion, she persisted to dig around in my right arm, fishing for a vein. Why?! She switched arms and the IV went right in. I told her so. The saline flush had a skunky smell and the IV fluid made me feel cold. The pain meds were inserted and I immediately felt delirious. I was given additional meds to help subdue the nausea that the pain medication caused. With both medications administered, I couldn’t help but to worry about what was being filtered into my breastmilk. The doctor thought it would be safest if I’d “pump and dump” for the next 24 hours. This was an issue – My body does not create excess milk and while working full time, my storage isn’t built. I knew with this hospitalization, we’d go though everything I had stored.

I was wheeled into the CT scanning room and was given an iodine-contrast through my IV. My body felt warm for thirty seconds as the contrast entered my blood stream; my throat, bladder, and ears especially. Unfortunately, this was another med that one probably shouldn’t breast feed on. I was instructed to lay still as the scan took place; it didn’t take long, but the stillness allowed my mind to wonder about scary what-if’s. Once the scan was complete, I was wheeled back into my room and instructed to drink lots of water to flush the contrast from my kidneys.

I had dozed off waiting for the CT results. Wow did it feel nice to sleep without a baby next to me. All too soon, I was woken up by the doctor with the results of the scan. Due to the amount of fluid in my abdominal cavity, he could conclude that I had a 2-3cm ovarian cyst rupture. He informed me that this is not uncommon 6-12 months after pregnancy, due hormone irregularities. Apparently, cysts occur often during ovulation but they don’t always burst nor cause horrific pain. Naturally, I wanted to know how to prevent the cysts in the future and he gave me two options; get on birth control to stop ovulation or get a hysterectomy. What?! I’m not ready to kiss my reproductive years goodbye! I also was not about to start taking birth control pills – hormone altering, cancer causing, weight gaining, mood swinging “birth control” pills. As grateful as I was to not need my appendix removed, the possibility of painful ovulation every month concerned my husband and me.

Now, it’s just a waiting game; will the cysts return? Will they continue after I finish breastfeeding? It’s possible that if the cyst is 7cm or larger, it could twist my ovaries during rupture and cut off my blood flow to my reproductive parts – terrifying! The heating pad helped, so did hot tea and the fetal position however, dealing with that intense pain every month will significantly decrease my quality of life. The doctors don’t know the future anymore than I do, and in the meantime, I will be diligently praying big. Go away rupturing cysts; I have a life to live and a baby to raise!

March for Millie

March for Millie

https://www.marchforbabies.org/team/MarchingforMillie

The cashier asks, “Would you like to round up your total to the nearest dollar for charity?” I do it every time – mainly because I’m a sucker for even numbers. I’m that person at the gas station whose goal is to land on .00 exactly; I digress. My husband and I agreed years ago, that we will would always donate to children and veterans, in need; it’s also tax deductible and it feels good to give what we can. We’ve been monetarily giving to the March of Dimes for four years, never thinking that it would be us experiencing unlikely circumstances during childbirth. In November, I was induced six weeks early due to pre-eclampsia and my daughter was born premature. I developed severe symptoms, including a heart murmur, while my newborn was living in this world weighing a mere 4.8lbs.

Did you know that prematurity is the leading cause of infant mortality? I didn’t. I’m educating myself now, knowing that my chances of having another preterm delivery are heightened because of the pre-eclampsia with Millie. The March of Dimes has become a movement promoting healthy babies and moms and they raise money to help spread awareness of birthing difficulties, to better prenatal care, and to research deliveries in the U.S. #thecarewomendeserve

Next month, we will be walking 3 miles representing Team Millie with the March of Dimes. I am excited to be in the presence of so many others who’ve shared similar birth experiences. Millie will be with us, sporting a purple headband. I’m so proud of her, and our family. At Mill’s four month doctors appointment, we found out that she is in the 50th percentile for height and weight, not including her adjusted age! It’s looking like our growth struggles are behind us, praise God. For any mother living minute by minute, I’m praying for you; the tiniest of sparks can become the strongest flame – you’ve got this!

If you would like to have more information about the event or would like to donate to the March of Dimes, check out my team page: https://www.marchforbabies.org/team/MarchingforMillie

Next time the cashier asks you if you want to donate, do it. Support your community and help make this world that we all live in, a better place. I will walk for babies!

Will you?

Magnesium – Miso – Motherhood

Magnesium – Miso – Motherhood

“Did you have a difficult day at work?” the nurse asked upon taking my blood pressure. Teaching elementary music was never a breeze however, that day in particular, was fine. (Meaning my blood pressure had no business being 149/99.) She told me to relax, take a couple deep breaths, and she’d try to take it again – of course by then I was freaking out; why was my blood pressure so high?! My doctor came into the room and told me that they found traces of protein in my urine, I had significant swelling in my legs and ankles, and that I had gained too much weight since my last visit. Preeclampsia. I had heard of it but I never thought that it was something that I would suffer from. So many thoughts were racing around in my head; Isn’t preeclampsia rare? Don’t you have to be obese to get it? Has anyone in my family ever had preeclampsia? What’s going to happen to my baby? What’s going to happen to me? AH! My head was pounding; yet another symptom of preeclampsia.

I was instructed to take the next day off of work, to collect my urine for twenty-four hours, and to try to relax. I would go back to the OB’s office the next day for a blood pressure check and an ultrasound. I did as I was told; laid on the couch watching Netflix, drank plenty of water, and I had a decent nights sleep considering my bladder was being used as a trampoline. I hated having to take a day off of work for, “bed rest” but I knew it was necessary for both mine and the baby’s health. The next day, my husband and I were flabbergasted upon hearing that my blood pressure was even higher than the day before! The ultrasound showed that the baby was head-down and I was told to go to the hospital. My doctor apologized for not having me go the night before; he truly thought my blood pressure would lower. I felt fine other than being very pregnant and a lingering headache that wasn’t fading.

The nursery had been completed before the end of my first trimester and our hospital bags had been packed by the end of the second. My extreme nesting and “over preparedness” made my friends laugh and annoyed my husband however, it turned out to be a blessing considering we were on our way to the hospital during week 34 of my pregnancy. 160/114 was my blood pressure reading in triage. Those numbers were too high and the doctor was concerned that I would seize. I felt scared and wanted to go home but the doctor was not going to let me leave without signing an AMA, against medical advice document. Realizing that even at home my blood pressure wasn’t under control, I agreed to being admitted into labor and delivery.

I was placed in a beautiful, spacious room however, the television screen was smaller than that of my laptop and the static on every channel was awful. Watching college football was near impossible and it did nothing but raise my blood pressure. OSU losing to Iowa; embarrassing. Even worse, the nurses informed me that my blood pressure had been spiking through my sleep. The high-risk doctor gave the orders; the only way to stop the preeclampsia symptoms was to deliver the baby. The delivery-plan that I took so much time creating was now thrown out the window.

Because the baby was going to be born early, I was given two steroid shots in my theigh to help her lungs develop, ouch. The incredibly nice NICU doctor verbally prepared us for the worst; I was devastated hearing that after delivery, I may have to leave the hospital without my baby. I felt so guilty and defeated; my body was failing her. To keep my blood pressure down, I was given magnesium through my wrist IV. The nurse told me that I would be extremely weak on this medicine and I may experience flu-like symptoms. I had to be catheterized (which was not a pleasant experience) because I was not able to get out of bed while on the mag. How was I supposed to move through my contractions if I was immobile on this medication? Having the catheter in was awful – I felt like I had to pee constantly; there was no relief. Worser still, the swelling that I experienced was unfathomable. I was scalding hot; I thought my skin was going to burst open like an overcooked hot dog. I had a splitting headache that would not quit. I asked my nurse, “How am I supposed to deliver this baby, the hardest thing that my body has ever experienced, when I am so weak and can’t move?” She simply said, “You’ll do it.”

I was given two rounds of cervidil; a cervix ripening insert. During this time, I was getting checked for dilation frequently – let me tell you, that starts to feel incredibly uncomfortable too; raw, like pulling out a dry tampon over and over again. I didn’t dilate on the cervidil however, the doctor wasn’t surprised because this was six weeks before the baby was supposed to arrive and my body was not responding. We started miso through the night, another induction insert, which dilated me to 1cm and “a wiggle”. My husband and I prayed with such intensity; we were so conflicted – happy that our baby was coming however, we knew there was a rough road ahead. I told the nurse that it felt like I was peeing on my leg, I knew that couldn’t be the case but I was feeling a secretion of fluid. She did another dilation check and my water broke all over the nurse’s arm. The water was warm and there was a lot of it. I felt a tinge of embarrassment but I was so relieved that it broke on its own; talks of ballooning and other induction mechanisms terrified me. After my water broke, I was given pitocin, level 10 and the real contractions began.

During my pregnancy, My husband and I took a labor course where the midwife explained the pain during active labor. She instructed that if you could power through seven centimeters of dilation, you were two hours away from seeing your baby – no pain medicine needed. I wanted to try to deliver my baby without pain medication. During my contractions I just kept thinking, when the pain gets worse, I will ask for the epidural. I focused “down”; that might not make a lot of sense but visualizing what was happening internally, helped. I reminded myself of positive affirmations; “My body is capable and strong. I’m choosing to be calm and confident during my baby’s birth.” We had a humidifier in the room, releasing essential oils (dōTERRA’s balance). I listened to my birthing playlist, which consisted of instrumental Christian music (After All These Years – Bethel Music). Ice chips. Even though my body was weak from the magnesium, I was somehow still able to move around in the bed to position myself through the contractions; on my side, grabbing the bed frame, leaning over, etc. After two hours of active labor, I felt a burning like I had never felt before. Was I on fire? I began to shake uncontrollably. It felt like my butt cheeks were being ripped apart and I wanted to literally crawl out of my skin. I knew the Lord had not forsaken me however, I knew something was happening and I was terrified. I wanted that epidural – NOW!

The nurse said, “Let’s hope that you’re more than three centimeters dilated.” as she checked my cervix. This is what three centimeters feels like?! She turned around and got on the phone; my husband was speaking very intently, “What’s wrong, tell us what’s going on?!” The nurse was dialing the doctor as I was more than 9cm dilated and it was time to push. I had gone from 1-9cm’s in two hours time. The bed raised up, the catheter came out, the room got brighter, and the doctor came in with a shield up and goggles on. It became clear that I was not getting any pain medicine.

The contractions were so long, I couldn’t possibly push that long! How could I focus on pushing when my body was set on fire? The shaking continued and it’s possible that I occasionally blacked out. My first push wasn’t nearly long enough – I could feel the baby’s body in the birth canal. During my second push, the baby had come down and went back up; I know this not only because the doctor told me, but because when you don’t have any numbing medicine, you feel everything. I just knew that my legs had ripped from my hips. The third push happened in slow motion; baby’s head, shoulders, hips; I felt it all. The doctor placed a wide-eyed, powder-blue baby upon my chest. She started to cry and I told her, “happy birthday”. I didn’t recognize my voice; it was horse from the hours of screaming out in pain. My husband was in awe and he cut the umbilical cord. Everything else didn’t matter; the after-birth, the cramping and discomfort, the stitching – Amelia Jane was born and the earth stood still.