It was always my plan to obtain my masters degree before getting pregnant however, my hormones had a different agenda. I work best under pressure, which is why I stay busy, but after listening to the advice of my husband and my counselor, I decided to take a semester off after Millie was born. Millie was due in mid-December, the week after my fall semester finals, but due to preeclampsia, Millie arrived ahead of schedule, in early November; I still had four weeks remaining in my courses. Given the situation, my professors were completely understanding and they were lenient on due dates. During the first four weeks of classes, I completed many assignments ahead of time; perk of being a workaholic, and that helped a lot, too.
I quickly learned how to pump and type, simultaneously. Sleeping when the baby slept wasn’t a thing; while she slept, I did homework. I hate that her first month of life is such a blur in my memories. I wish I could’ve been more alert and aware but I was recovering and dog-tired. Thankfully, there were many pictures and videos taken during that time, and I indulge in them often.
I had almost gotten accustomed to my work load of sheer exhaustion when winter break began. Taking the spring semester off put me behind on my degree completion plan and looking back now, I wish I could’ve powered through. (The quicker I complete my degree, the sooner the repayment period begins for my loans, and the quicker my loans are forgiven.)
“May your college memories last as long as your student loan debt.” – a wise and financially broke man who attended college
I am very fortunate to be on a student loan forgiveness plan through the US government. I went to an expensive, private, music conservatory for my bachelors degree and I racked up undergraduate debt. I am five courses away from completing my masters degree from another expensive, private university and I tacked on graduate school debt. If I work ten years in public service (teach) while making my minimum, monthly student loan payments (120 payments in total) all the rest of my debt gets forgiven. Hallelujah!
Before I had Millie, teaching music was my life’s success and now, my whole life is Millie. She’s everything to me. Sometimes I wish I never went to college because I wouldn’t be in college debt and I would be able to stay home and raise my baby. Don’t get me wrong, I love teaching music, I just feel guilty about teaching other people’s children during the day and not being there for my own. My grandma went into retirement and watches Millie at our house while my husband and I work; I am so grateful for her help and that we do not have to put her in childcare. I know that I am setting a good example for my daughter by working and continuing my education however, my heart aches every time I walk out the door.
I will be graduating with a Masters of Art degree in music and worship, in ten months. Typing that makes me smile. That will put me on a higher pay scale at work and it will free up more of my time to spend with Millie. I’m proud to be completing this journey with a baby on my lap – today, she pounded on my keyboard and erased a good amount of my book report. Millie will know that her mom valued higher education and working women. I pray that my perseverance will inspire her.
– now onto that book report that’s due by midnight.
Mothering Millie 