Most of the dances I’ve attended, I’ve gone with the same date, and I didn’t think that I would enjoy going to an event like that with anyone but her. Whenever Aly and I get dressed up to go out together I always have this warm, comfortable feeling of being in the right place with the right woman, and a feeling of pride that someone so beautiful and fun would want to be there with me. The old nerves about dancing or fumbling over flirting have faded and been replaced by familiar dance patterns we learned together, and the comfort of more than a decade and a half of having her hand in mine.
So with that being said, it was surprising to me how excited I was to prepare for Mia’s first dance. The father daughter dance sponsored by her school was, in my mind, just something this Christian school would give a token effort to. I figured that it would be more stiff and less fun than the types of dances I had attended when I was growing up (especially since it was just for K-8 at a Christian school…). Regardless, I was excited for Mia to have the opportunity to do something fun through her school, and excited that I got to be part of it.
I definitely did not give the school and the event planners enough credit! From the moment we were let in the doors, she got to pick out a custom made flower crown, and there was a full professional photographers booth (that Aly had pre-paid and prepared us for ahead of time), with a space for the dads to stand in line, and tables full of different crafting station for the girls to do something fun while waiting. We decided to do that before we got too sweaty dancing. Mia drew a picture with some of her friends, and crafted a custom made bookmark with pressed flowers. After the picture, it was into the ballroom.
The gym had been fully converted to the extent that I did not even recognize the room. 3 of the walls had curtains put up to create the illusion of a dedicated dance floor, there were strings of lights stretched overhead all the way across the gym, there were full disco lights and the DJ was playing fantastic (age appropriate!) dance music! There were tables set up with cookies and snacks and different drinks, and benches for resting. The setting was incredible, and I could tell that Mia was amazed at the conversion of the room. She could not stand still for a second, zipping all over the room every time she saw a familiar face, I could barely keep up with her!
The DJ mixed in fun activities with the normal music, which encouraged people to stay out on the dance floor for more than just dancing. There were Congo lines, line dancing, limbo circles, even a soul train (where people dance down the center of two lines of people while being cheered). These activities did a great job of keeping the dance lively and as many people out on the floor as possible.
The majority of the first portion of the dance I was just trying to keep up with Mia as she found all her friends and spent a few minutes dancing, and then zipped off again to see someone else. It was wonderful to see how friendly everyone was with her, and it made me happy that she had so many friends. At first I was nervous that these people would not be welcoming to her, but my worries eased a little bit as each new interaction showed that they were all familiar with her and her tendencies to be a social butterfly, jumping to and from different friend groups all over the floor.
Once she had greeted all her friends and gone through the limbo line with a few different groups of girls, she then gravitated back towards spending time with me, and I experienced that same sense of comfort and contentment that I always feel being around her mother. If anything, my heart was even more full because there was also pride for the beautiful, wonderful person she is becoming. I showed her all the line dances I knew, and I picked her up and spun her around every chance I got, much the same way that I had done for her mother when we were 18 at her homecoming. It was an amazing time, and I can’t wait for the next dance.
Every May starts the count down to summer break (obviously the best part of the job) but not this year. This year, summer break meant Millie would be done with kindergarten and I just could not fathom my baby graduating kindergarten – no way.
Chris would drop Millie off at school before starting work everyday. Kindergarteners had a special drop off location, closer to their classrooms. Mill would always have her backpack with her daily folder (Ariel with her “shell phone”) a book to read, and her granola bar snack. We packed her lunch everyday; pasta salad was her favorite. We weren’t allowed to send her to school with a water bottle because too many kids were spilling them however, she wasn’t drinking the schools water because she said, “The school water tastes yucky”. We got permission for her to bring a tightly lidded water bottle to school; her water intake increased dramatically.
Chris worked from home on Mondays and Fridays and would pick up Millie from school (This was helpful because of my staff meetings after school on Mondays). We were fortunate that her administration agreed to let us pick her up with the 1st-4th grade car-rider line from 3:20-3:40pm. Mill was always the smallest amongst the other students. I was always surprised to see who she was talking to, waiting for the car to pull up. She loved being able to talk to her kindergarten friends’ older siblings. She’d get in the car and say, “Hi, Mommy!” She was always ready to tell me about her day; what color she was on, who did what at recess, and what they did during specials.
At Mills first parent-teacher conference, I noticed how clean and organized her desk was compared to others. The teacher informed me that she sat Mill next to a boy who’d been having a lot of difficulty. She said she did this because Mill was kinda bossy and the boy could use another boss. (That child ended up getting the “boot” before Christmas break.) I was surprised to learn that her class had been praying for my boys and for God to rid them of IFAP syndrome (she even told them her brothers had no eyebrows). Her teacher let me know that Mill had asked for prayer for them and I just started to cry; she has a heart of gold.
Mill had friends in her class and friends in other kindergarten classes, too. One of her school friends was actually a classmate of hers from BalletMet and she knew another girl from Sunday School. Millie was invited to a number of birthday parties throughout the year. When it was her birthday, we brought in cupcakes for everyone. (I loved being able to do this for her because when I was in grade school, I never was able to because of my summer birthday.) When other classmates had birthdays, we had given her teacher a bag full of vegan goodies Mill could enjoy while others were eating treats with dairy. When she had an Easter jelly bean sorting activity, her teacher reached out to me asking which brands of jelly beans were gelatin-free. They were great with her food allergies.
I did go into “crazy mom” mode after receiving Millie’s first grade card. She was getting threes and fours in each subject except music. In my area of expertise, she was getting a two. A two?! (two is considered “developing”) I emailed the music teacher who explained to me that all the kindergarten students get a two before they put on their Christmas pageant. I did not think this was fair. It was blanket grading for a school we pay a lot of money for. I was upset that the teacher could not provide grades for the standards that I knew darn well she should be teaching. I also knew that Millie had mastered all of the Ohio music standards through second grade. Developing – no way. Not to mention she was bringing home the “Star Singer” award every week. The rest of the year she got 3s and 4s in music. I’m still pretty irritated about it.
I never had to fight Mill to do her homework. She always enjoyed completing her math pages. A couple times, Chris and I actually struggled on questions regarding a birds direction on a branch and which order they were in (already struggling to help with homework lol). Every month she completed her reading assignment called, Reado. It was like a bingo card with different book suggestions. When she tuned them in, she received little prizes and at the end of the year she got a special t-shirt that she could wear on Wednesdays during the last month of school (keeping track of this shirt was easier said than done).
Millie participated in everyday of spirit week. On “80’s Day” the students could dress in 1980’s fashion or like they were 80 years old; Mill was the only one in her class that dressed like an old woman! I loved it. She had her hair in a bun, wore a pair of glasses from her dress-up bin, and a tucked in, chunky sweater. She dressed up as Cindy Lou for “Dress like a Christmas Character Day”. Chris was impressed with how I did her hair; up on the top of her head with an empty water bottle. Mawmaw crafted a snowman outfit for Mill with big black buttons for “Dress Like a Snowman Day”. For “Dress Like Your Favorite Book Character Day”, Mill wanted to be Amelia Bedelia. She dressed just like her with a red cardigan and a flower headband. I photoshopped Millie into a page of the book – her librarian loved it so much she printed out the picture and hung it on the library bulletin board.
Her class did not go on any field trips but they did have fun “on-campus” activities throughout the year. The pumpkin patch came to their school in the fall and Mill got to pick out her own pumpkin – this turned out devastating for Millie because another student took home her pumpkin and she had to take home a pumpkin that she didn’t choose. Millie was given twenty dollars to spend at the book fair and she bought a book for herself and to my surprise, a book for her brother (a book about the movie Elemental). She made paper flowers with her prayer buddy and took them over to the senior living facility. Millie said her craft was falling apart because she didn’t use enough glue but it did have rainbow petals so that made it all better. They also had a, “Teddy Bear Picnic” where they brought a blanket and teddy stuffy to school and got to eat their lunch outside. They learned the song, “Teddy Bear Picnic” and got to take a picture of all their bears. Millie took in an extra bear stuffy for a student who didn’t have one (completely her doing). His mom reached out to me later and thanked me for her kindness.
Millie’s senior prayer buddy is a dream. She was so fortunate to be paired with such a kind senior. Kennedy took pictures with Millie at the senior night football game (Mill did an afterschool, cheer leading camp for a week and then got to cheer at the high school football game.) She came to Mill’s 6 year-old Barbie birthday party and brought a gift, she crafted Mill’s Valentine’s Day card box with her even though she was absent the day the class made them (Millie had perfect attendance all year until she dropped the tablet on her toe and needed x-rays and a boot. She told her teachers, “It was disappointing and expensive!”). Kennedy would help her on the monkey bars at recess. She would also send me pictures of them together when they’d meet during school. Kennedy even went to the Kindergarten Graduation and gave Mill a Barbie and bouquet of flowers! I have a feeling we’ll keep in contact with this sweet, young lady.
The school was so great about inviting the families into the building and hosting events. This is such a great way to build community. The grandparents were invited to a special vocal performance for Grandparents Day. I took a half-day off of work and attended her Christmas Chapel – Millie sat next to her senior buddy, Kennedy and I sat in the wing so I could see her. She was wearing her plaid, Christmas dress and Maryjanes. The pastor gave a sermon on making memories at Christmas time and how his family drank chocolate milkshakes every year while his dad read, “T’was the Night Before Christmas.” We tried doing this too but neither kid liked the milkshake.
“And she gave birth to a baby boy.” was Millie’s solo speaking part during the Christmas program. She walked up to the mic and spoke that line in front of hundreds of people. We were so proud of her. The spring musical was about summer camp and bugs. We enjoyed going to the Fine Arts Night; we made a Pigeon cake for the library fundraiser (I don’t know how I did it. I made this cake after an 8-hour car ride and it was my first time working with fondant.) We ended up buying the cake back and winning a piece of pottery. Mill loved showing us her art pieces hanging in the hallway. She painted a walrus and a self portrait. I accompanied Millie to Muffins for Mom (the muffins were small so I gave mine to her) and Chris went to Doughnuts for Dad. There was a Daddy/Daughter dance in March; check out Chris’ post for the details of that event. Finally, we all attended Mill’s Kindergarten Graduation where she sang songs, received her diploma from her teacher, and officially became a first grader.
The school sent home embroidered, graduation gowns for the kids to wear and take pictures in before the graduation, which happened at night, and the gowns had to be returned immediately after the ceremony. Because of this, we threw Mill a party before the graduation ceremony, with pizza and cake and invited the whole family to come and take pictures. I set out her artwork, binder of school papers I kept throughout the year, and her student of the month certificate (Mill didn’t even tell us about this award! When Chris took Millie to Easter service practice, another teacher saw them in the hallway and congratulated her on her student of the month award. We were so proud of her! She was awarded on her diligent faith). I crafted Millie a pair of sunglasses that said, “K Grad”. She received cards with money and new books.
I read this post to Millie and asked if she thought it was any good and she respond, “I think you should write it all over again.” Rude.
As Chris carried Millie up the stairs tonight, hot tears streamed down my face. My early baby, my special girl, starts Kindergarten tomorrow. Where has the time gone?
I remember sleep training Millie. Chris would carry her upstairs and her little hand would reach over his shoulder to wave at me. I’d say, “I love you, Mill Moo. Jesus loves you, angel.” One night, when Millie was maybe eighteen months old, Chris said, “Alright, it’s time for bed.” Mill was sitting on my lap and she waved at him as if to say, “Well, goodnight then daddy.” My sweet, sassy girl.
After church, I dressed Millie up in uniform and took pictures of her with a “back to school” sign displaying her age, height, and what she wants to be when she grows up – a ballerina, of course. (I figured it would make for a less stressful morning if we took pictures ahead of time.) Mill said her polo sleeves made her look like a prince and that the uniform should have included pink and purple. When I showed her the pictures I took of her, her response was, “I look so tall!”
We read, “On the Night Before Kindergarten”. I packed her a heart-shaped, butter and jelly sandwich (her school is nut free), carrots, strawberries, and Oreos in her Barbie lunchbox. She requested a chocolate chip granola bar for her mid-morning snack (and ended up eating Pringles instead).
Me, “Are you excited for tomorrow?” Mill, “I’m most excited about the tablet. I can’t wait to read the books on the internet.”
Me, “Do you think you’ll nap during quiet time?” Mill, “Maybe I’ll rest my eyes a little bit.”
Me, “Are you worried about anything?” Mill, “You know I’m brave. I’m not nervous.”
Millie woke up before the alarm and climbed into our bed. She said, “Today’s the day, it’s finally here!” We said affirmations in the mirror while I curled her hair. She ate French toast sticks for breakfast while Chris and Wells kicked the soccer ball in the kitchen. We all piled up in the car to take her to school as a family.
As she walked into the school, she stopped to wave back at us and show the I love you sign. I watched until her koala backpack had long gone into the building.
I asked Mill when she got home, “How was your day?” She said, “Kindergarten is the best!”
It was always my plan to obtain my masters degree before getting pregnant however, my hormones had a different agenda. I work best under pressure, which is why I stay busy, but after listening to the advice of my husband and my counselor, I decided to take a semester off after Millie was born. Millie was due in mid-December, the week after my fall semester finals, but due to preeclampsia, Millie arrived ahead of schedule, in early November; I still had four weeks remaining in my courses. Given the situation, my professors were completely understanding and they were lenient on due dates. During the first four weeks of classes, I completed many assignments ahead of time; perk of being a workaholic, and that helped a lot, too.
I quickly learned how to pump and type, simultaneously. Sleeping when the baby slept wasn’t a thing; while she slept, I did homework. I hate that her first month of life is such a blur in my memories. I wish I could’ve been more alert and aware but I was recovering and dog-tired. Thankfully, there were many pictures and videos taken during that time, and I indulge in them often.
I had almost gotten accustomed to my work load of sheer exhaustion when winter break began. Taking the spring semester off put me behind on my degree completion plan and looking back now, I wish I could’ve powered through. (The quicker I complete my degree, the sooner the repayment period begins for my loans, and the quicker my loans are forgiven.)
“May your college memories last as long as your student loan debt.” – a wise and financially broke man who attended college
I am very fortunate to be on a student loan forgiveness plan through the US government. I went to an expensive, private, music conservatory for my bachelors degree and I racked up undergraduate debt. I am five courses away from completing my masters degree from another expensive, private university and I tacked on graduate school debt. If I work ten years in public service (teach) while making my minimum, monthly student loan payments (120 payments in total) all the rest of my debt gets forgiven. Hallelujah!
Before I had Millie, teaching music was my life’s success and now, my whole life is Millie. She’s everything to me. Sometimes I wish I never went to college because I wouldn’t be in college debt and I would be able to stay home and raise my baby. Don’t get me wrong, I love teaching music, I just feel guilty about teaching other people’s children during the day and not being there for my own. My grandma went into retirement and watches Millie at our house while my husband and I work; I am so grateful for her help and that we do not have to put her in childcare. I know that I am setting a good example for my daughter by working and continuing my education however, my heart aches every time I walk out the door.
I will be graduating with a Masters of Art degree in music and worship, in ten months. Typing that makes me smile. That will put me on a higher pay scale at work and it will free up more of my time to spend with Millie. I’m proud to be completing this journey with a baby on my lap – today, she pounded on my keyboard and erased a good amount of my book report. Millie will know that her mom valued higher education and working women. I pray that my perseverance will inspire her.
– now onto that book report that’s due by midnight.
Mothering Millie 